Snog

The first time Sirius had noticed Remus (that is, really noticed him; noticed the way his eyes glinted in the sunlight and the puckered flesh of a particularly long scar disappeared up his shirt sleeve) was not until the beginning of sixth year.

He had spent most of that summer attached to James’ hip, and had barely had any contact with Remus, save a few hurried owls with perfunctory "wish you were here"-s and promises of killer plans when they were all together at school again. And now they were here, and everything was different, and everything was the same, and it all seemed to come together with a giddy joy for Sirius. Every class, every lazy afternoon, every late-night excursion seemed bright, sharp, and perfect.

The first time Sirius had kissed Remus was very early in the morning on the day after Halloween. Peter and James were asleep in their beds with the curtains drawn, and Sirius and Remus had been sitting on the floor, leaning against Remus’ bed. They had been talking in increasingly hushed tones about increasingly banal subjects, neither of them wishing for the night to be over, neither of them wishing to be parted by sleep and curtains and several feet of floorspace. And so they went on, their voices becoming quieter and quieter until Sirius realized that they were neither of them saying anything at all anymore.

The kiss had happened quickly, before Sirius had even thought about doing it. They were just together, and he was kissing, and Remus was kissing him back. It was so different than the careless, automatic kisses he had shared before, with a dozen different girls. That was what was expected of the popular boys. They were supposed to go with the popular girls. They were supposed to kiss them, and break their hearts, and become even more desirable as a result. James played that game too, though he cared nothing for them, and professed his love for no one but Lily. And Sirius played that game, never feeling anything, but expecting that one day he might.

It did not occur to Sirius until much later that night, when he was finally in bed, and the shock was starting to wear off, that what he and Remus had done was a far sight away from what was expected. And that it might be a problem.

Remus was used to keeping secrets from people, and had actually become better at it since his first year. Sirius had never kept anything from James, and in fact had made several solemn vows that he never would, but he found keeping this secret annoyingly easy. But James was too preoccupied with Quidditch and Slytherins and certain girls to notice anything different with his best friends. They were almost more worried about Peter figuring it out; he had been whinging a bit about Remus spending too much time with Sirius, and not enough time helping him study for the next big Charms test.

They knew they would have to tell their dormmates eventually, but in the meantime, Sirius thought all the secretiveness made all their furtive actions even more exciting. It seemed to make Remus nervous sometimes, though, but not as nervous as he would get when Sirius would joke about going to a dance together, or sharing a snog over breakfast one morning.

"It won’t be a big deal," Sirius would promise him. "I mean, aside from the girls who’ll get their hearts tragically broken, who’ll care?"

"You never know how people’ll react," Remus would reply, his eyes going to a far-off place.

"It’s not- it’s not like your other situation," Sirius would always reassure him, remembering the story Remus once haltingly told him, of a town that had found out about his lycanthropy when he was only eight. "No one’s going to do anything. No one’s going to hate us. You’ll see."

And Remus would kiss him, and they would forget that anyone else even existed in the world.

The first time James walked in on them snogging was when he arrived back at school a day early from Christmas break.

***

Remus was sitting on the edge of his bed, and Sirius was standing over him, all attention directed downward. Neither of them noticed James until the bags he had been holding went crashing to the floor. The two of the broke apart guiltily and turned toward their friend as one. James barked a little laugh, then caught himself before he could say anything. Sirius waited until the silence in the room reached an almost unbearable level before finding something to say.

"Hullo, James. Bit early, are we?" He tried to look supremely unconcerned.

"What. The. Hell?" James was starting to look angry, rather than pacified.

"Yeah. See, we’ve been meanin’ to tell you..." Sirius saw Remus start to inch away from him, curling himself up into a ball on his bed.

"You’ve been meaning… you’re joking, right? Sirius? There’s no way-"

"Not so much with the joking, Prongs."

"How long?" James directed a venomous look at Remus on the bed, and Sirius inched over a bit, as though to block him from view.

"Since Halloween," Remus put in from his spot on the bed. "We are sorry we hadn’t told you before."

"I should’ve known," James replied coolly. "The way you’ve been acting around him- what, you think you could steal my best friend?"

"James-" Sirius tried to interject, but James just raised his voice higher.

"You’re such a fucking freak. I can’t believe you. After all we’ve done, this is how you repay us?"

Remus sat still as a statue, and this time Sirius really did move himself in front, standing nearly toe-to-toe with James. "What the hell is your problem?"

"You’re my problem, the both of you." James stepped back, and crossed his arms over his chest. "How can you do this to me?"

"We haven’t done a bleeding thing to you! Look, this is between me and Remus, and if you don’t like it, you can just piss off!"

"I can’t, that’s the problem," James replied flatly. "You’re still my best friend, at least everyone thinks you are. God, what if Lily finds out?"

"Why would Evans care?"

"And what about bloody Snivellus? I’m surprised he doesn’t know already, the way he’s been sneaking around us lately. He’s going to find out, and then everyone’s going to know what freaks I’ve got as best friends."

"James…" Sirius could not remember the last time he cried, but he felt himself coming close from all the vitriol directed at him from his best friend’s voice. He had to keep his voice low and steady to hide how much this all was affecting him. "James, I really don’t think anyone’s going to care all that much. I mean, it’s just between the two of us."

"Keep it that way." James snapped.

"Everyone thinks everything we do is cool, anyway."

"That’s because everything we do is cool."

"Right. So-"

"Not this, Sirius." A kind of earnest plea had almost replaced the anger in James’ voice, as though everything would be okay if he could just get his thickheaded best friend to just see reason. "Something like this gets out, and we’ll be about as popular as the sneakiest Slytherin."

Sirius just shook his head. James picked up his bag and started to back through the door, eyes steady on the black haired boy. "I won’t have any part of this. You have to snap out of it. And don’t let anyone find out."

And he was gone. Remus and Sirius never found out where he slept that night, though he was not in the common room when Sirius went down to check a little later. The two of them did not talk much, though they huddled close together the night through, sharing a bed for the first time, in fact, praying that Peter would not return to school early too.

Remus did not ask Sirius whether he would choose him over James, and Sirius did not offer any assurances. And when he dreamed, he dreamed of the summer past, when it seemed he and James were the only two in the world, and how much fun they had.

***

James came to him the next day, when he was separated from Remus since Remus wanted to do homework at the library, and Sirius found brooding in the dorm to be a much more appealing option.

James still looked pissed off. "You’re not breaking up with him, are you?"

Sirius didn’t answer.

"You’re a complete idiot, you know," James informed him. "Why are you putting yourself for all this, for-"

"For Remus," Sirius responded. "He’s worth it."

"Nobody’s worth that. I don’t even see how you can like him like that. I thought you liked girls!"

Sirius shook his head.

James looked at him. "I don’t see how anyone can- I mean, it’s so unnatural."

They were quiet for a bit more, James looking thoughtful, and Sirius just glad he wasn’t leaving again. But the silence grew, and Sirius couldn’t take it. He started to open his mouth, about to say whatever inane thing popped into his head, when James stopped him with a kiss.

It was different than the first time he and Remus had kissed; that had been right and natural, and Remus had responded so perfectly when he leaned in, but this… this was wrong. But James was kissing, and Sirius was just letting him, shocked, until he caught himself, and jerked back. James immediately got a near-hysterical look on his face and rushed past Sirius out of the dorm once more.

When Remus got back to the room, Sirius was in the same position he had been for hours, lying on his bed, head buried in his pillow. Remus knew something had happened, but merely succeeded in becoming increasingly upset when Sirius refused to talk.

Peter arrived to an extremely tense environment a half-hour later. An environment which was not helped by the arrival of James shortly before bedtime, who refused to speak to anyone even to return Peter’s greetings, but just closed the curtains around himself and pretended to be asleep.

***

Around the hundredth time he asked, Peter finally got a response to his query on why everyone was acting so mean.

"Sirius and Remus are dating," James told him flatly.

Peter snorted. "No, seriously guys. What’s going on?"

No one would look at him.

***

After a few days, it seemed to sink in to Peter that they actually were together (though less together as of late), so in addition to James’ cold shoulder, they had to deal with a skittish Peter.

James finally broke the silence one night the next week, as they were preparing for bed.

"I just wanted you to know, that, whatever you guys do, I’ll be cool with it." Peter looked at him anxiously. James avoided everyone’s gazes.

"Thank you," Remus told him quietly.

James seemed to melt a little, his eyes darting up quickly. "And I’m sorry for all that stuff I said before. You know I didn’t mean any of it." Remus nodded his head once.

"So we’re cool, then?" Sirius spoke up.

"Yeah."

"But what are we going to do about-"

"I don’t know." Remus answered for James.

"Whatever you want to do." James said for himself, though he was staring at the floor again.

"We can just be really discreet. I mean, it doesn’t matter."

"Yeah."

James turned back and addressed them one more time before they all crawled into bed. "Anyway, I’m glad- I’m really glad we’re all not fighting anymore." And Sirius pulled up the covers and smiled to himself as he remembered that the full moon was just next week.

***

Everything seemed back to normal in the newness of the morning. Remus was smiling, James was posturing about the upcoming Quidditch match, and Peter seemed to be able to breathe regularly again. They moved as a unit into the dining hall, catching more than a few gazes, as they invariably did. Just before he sat down, Sirius caught Remus flashing him a secret smile. He paused, then straightened. Remus stepped towards him, and leaned in, and Sirius met him halfway in an enthusiastic snog. For a few seconds, as the room started to buzz unpleasantly around them, Sirius found himself stiff with fear. But as Remus reached his arm around to touch his shoulder, the room and all of its voices seemed to strangely melt away, and soon it seemed the whole world consisted of nothing but Remus.