‾
Sirius Black sat in his dorm room on a Friday night, absentmindedly Transfiguring James Potter's Quidditch hand guards into toads and then back again. This was a good indication as to exactly how bored he was. Remus Lupin, the only other occupant currently in the room, was absorbed in a large book and could not be interrupted - or so it seemed. Sirius took the challenge.
Remus finally looked up when a toad sailed across the length of the dormitory and landed on his copy of 'Incredibly Advanced Transfiguration – NEWT Level' with a wet smack. Peeling the toad off the pages, Remus announced crossly, "If you're that bored, go and find Prongs and Wormtail, they're still in the common room. And no, I'm not coming, some of us aren't as talented as you. We actually have to study once in a while."
"But Moony, it's a Friday," Sirius said. "You have all weekend to study."
"I'm studying for the NEWTs," Remus replied as if this settled the matter, and returned to his book.
"Moony, you know as well as I do that the NEWTs aren't for at least five months. I mean, it's not even Christmas holidays yet." Sirius glanced out the window at the white flurries gusting around the windows as he spoke.
"Yes, well, as I said earlier, some of us aren't as naturally talented as you are at certain subjects." Remus looked back up from his book, "and stop sulking, please."
"I'm not sulking!" Sirius argued as he got up and walked to the door. "I'm just off to have some fun, without you, just so you know."
I wasn't sulking, Sirius thought to himself as he walked down the spiral staircase towards the Gryffindor common room. Remus is just being difficult. He's studying too much, his brain ought to have exploded by now. He ought to get out more. Sirius then realized he was trying to justify his being an utter cad to Remus, and promptly put the whole thing out of his head.
James and Peter were sitting side by side at a large oak table in the middle of the common room as Peter watched James play a game of chess with his new girlfriend Lily Evans. Lily, unsurprisingly, was winning. Her queen had just decimated James' rook and calmly declared checkmate. Sirius watched as Lily tried not to look too pleased with herself and James leaned across the table to kiss her. Peter looked away, and catching Sirius eye, made exaggerated gagging motions.
As Sirius sat down, Lily got up to leave, taking her chess pieces with her up her own spiral stair opposite from where Sirius had appeared. James watched Lily as if in a trance, but when Sirius felt James' eyes had glazed over enough, he waved his hand back and forth before his face.
"Prongs!" Sirius said loudly, causing James to jump, then glare. "Prongs, when you can tear your eyes away from Evans, perhaps you will oblige me with your company on a midnight stroll?"
Peter suddenly spoke up. He had found a new passageway beside "that one statue of Sir Hildoganfrier the Frenetic" and they absolutely had to go and look.
Sirius started up from the table, "I'll just run back up and collect the cloak and Remus," he said briskly. When Sirius had run quite briskly up to the fifth landing and opened the door, he found Remus asleep in his bed, curled around the book. Grabbing the cloak from James' trunk, Sirius made to leave but then stopped on the threshold, carefully and quietly withdrew his wand, and shouted "Relashio!"
"Protego!" yelled Remus, sitting up on his bed to block the blast of fiery red sparks issuing from Sirius' wand. Sirius smiled blithely. He was met with a rude gesture made by the two fingers of Remus' left hand.
"What would you have done if I really had been asleep?"
"But you weren't, now were you?"
"I'm still not coming down," said Remus. "I need to get some sleep this weekend, I pulled an all-nighter on Wednesday, remember?"
"So did I," said Sirius. "But fine, get some sleep, your disposition could certainly use it."
Remus made another rude gesture before pulling the curtains shut around his bed.
‾
Whilst sneaking about the darkened corridors on the second floor, Sirius suddenly reflected that he had been extremely rude to Remus twice in the space of so many minutes. Sirius fervently hoped Remus would have forgotten all about it the next morning. Come to think of it, Sirius could not remember one specific instance where he had been purposely nice to Remus lately, and many where he had been horrible. This was an absolutely spiffing time for hisyearly moral review, what with the concentrating on not being caught by Filch and--
"Bugger!" Hissed James, stopping in his tracks, breaking Sirius out of his reverie. He had to stop abruptly to avoid hitting Peter and James. Sirius glanced around to see two lamp-like eyes staring at him from beneath a tapestry only to disappear into the gloom. Mrs Norris had spotted them.
"Bugger, bugger, bugger," whispered James, as he looked about the corridor frantically. "I really wish we still had the map. There's still that tapestry with the hidden passageway, now was it two hallways down, or three?"
"No, wait," said Sirius, and he pulled out his wand and unlocked the nearest classroom door. All three filed inside. "Lumos," said Sirius softly, and the room was lit up by the eerie glow of wandlight. He locked the door and stepped out from under the cloak. The room was spacious for a classroom and had huge vaulted ceilings.
Just then, footsteps were to be heard outside the door, and Filch's scaly voice was calling to his beloved cat, to point him to those evil students. Sirius darted under the cloak and they all backed slowly into a darkened corner of the room, wandlight off. Filch's voice slowly grew fainter and fainter as he travelled farther away from the room in which the three Marauders were hiding.
Sirius turned around to see what had been digging into the backs of his knees during the long wait. It was a large trunk, engraved with what looked like Latin, but when Sirius attempted to read it, he found he could not.
"It's Italian," said Peter, noticing Sirius' odd squinting faces and attempts at pronunciation. "A poem, something about pretty girls and boys dancing in the hills. Sentimental tripe, you know."
"Oh," said Sirius, unimpressed. He prised open the trunk, which was not locked. The dust settled to reveal a pile of old clothing, mouldering away to dust. He picked up a cloak with two outstretched fingers and watched it disintegrate before his eyes.
James already looked bored at the whole prospect of the mysterious trunk, and Peter followed James' example in all situations. Sirius on the other hand, dumped out all the cloaks and other bits, until the trunk was empty. The bottom of the trunk was beautifully carved, however, with a mountainous scene depicting many rivers and streams. He reached down into the box to run his hand over one such gracefully curving bit of water, only to hear a small click. The corner of the carving gave a bit, and popped up.
With a rush of adrenaline, Sirius picked up the false bottom and laid it aside. Lying in the real bottom of the trunk was a small figurine, glittering in the light from Sirius' wand. It was a curious object, appearing to be the naked figurines of a man and a woman fused back to back. The base was carved out of a deeply polished black stone, and also had writing, but this time in Latin. Sirius read it aloud, trying to discern the meaning from the little he understood of the language. That was a mistake. No sooner was the last passage out of his mouth, he felt a sharp pain in the bottom of his gut.
He fell to the floor, gasping, the pain was so great. It felt like molten lead was travelling slowly through his veins. When it stopped, and James and Peter crowded close, he looked down to discover two breast shaped lumps on his chest where there had not been before. He jumped up, gasped, and quickly turned from James and Peter to check in his pants. It was gone. He passed out.
‾
When he came to, he was back in his dorm room, lying on his bed. He struggled awake, and then remembered what had happened. It was not a horrible dream. He was still a girl.
"Are you all right mate?" asked James.
"Prongs, am I really a girl?" Sirius asked, then clapped his hand over his mouth. His voice was coming out as a soft treble, a girl's voice. Peter silently offered him a mirror. It was as if he was staring at someone imitating all of his movements, but it was not him. It was a pretty girl's delicate face, with big blue eyes and silly lips above a dainty chin. He took no consolation in the fact that it was a pretty girl's face.
Sirius decided, against the urgings of James and Peter, to wait until the next morning to go and see the Headmaster. He hoped it would go away.
‾
The next morning he woke up and realized there was something wrong. Then he realized that what was wrong was that he was still a girl. With a great sigh he got up, without waking the others, and went to the Headmaster's office.
When he got there, the gargoyle was pulled away, and Sirius rode up the staircase with uncertainty. He opened the door and Dumbledore sat, as if waiting for him, at his huge oak desk.
‾
"Well, Mr. Black," said Dumbledore slowly, "what sort of trouble have you got yourself into this time?"
Somehow Sirius was not too surprised that Dumbledore had recognized him instantly for who he was. Dumbledore would know how to fix this. Sirius took a seat in one of the large chintz chairs in front of the Headmaster's desk.
"What seems to be the problem, Mr. Black?"
"Well, if you must know, I believe I've accidentally turned myself into a girl," Sirius said acridly.
"May I inquire how you have managed to this? It is quite a difficult piece of magic to change one’s own gender--not that I would put it past you, of course--but a weighty matter indeed."
"Well," said Sirius uncertainly before drawing the small figurine out of his robes, "I found this thing here, and read the inscription. . . and here I am." He stared at Dumbledore, but the Headmaster was quite keen on concealing any reaction he might have to the situation.
"May I examine the object in question?" Dumbledore held out his hand and Sirius gingerly handed it over. With a swish of his wand Dumbledore summoned a book from the top of a bookshelf. It flew down to the desk and opened in a flurry of pages. Dumbledore put down his finger and the pages stopped. They were open to a picture of an identical figurine covered with archaic writing. Several tense moments passed.
Dumbledore sighed heavily. "Mr. Black, I must tell you that you have discovered quite a powerful artefact, one that has been considered part of wizarding lore for many centuries now. Its true name has been lost, but the sole purpose of the object is to switch the gender of the spellcaster, an application which has many useful benefits, although you might disagree right now. In fact, this is the only method known to the wizarding world that can perform such a task. . ." Dumbledore seemed lost in deep contemplation for several moments, then added, "May I ask *where* you found it, exactly?"
It was near impossible to lie to Dumbledore and get away with it. Sirius told him. Dumbledore did not ask him what he was doing in an abandoned classroom, after curfew, opening the false bottoms of mysterious trunks.
"So, how do I get rid of this curse, exactly?" Said Sirius finally. "How am I supposed to get changed back?"
"Oh, but there isn't a counter-spell," said Dumbledore blandly. Sirius felt his vision spin and start to go black. "I did not say it was permanent," continued Dumbledore, "but there is no known counter-spell, no finite incantatum. The spell will wear off in precisely thirty days and return you to your original form. It merely requires patience."
"Are you sure?" Asked Sirius frantically, "There's absolutely no other way?" The prospect of remaining like this for another month was only slightly less horrible than living his entire life as a girl.
"There has never been any recorded method for prematurely terminating a gender-switch," said Dumbledore gently. "You will just have to wait. In the meantime, you will be provided with different living arrangements, being that you are only a girl in body, not spirit, so neither of the dormitories are applicable."
"You mean I can't even stay in my own room anymore?!"
"Sirius, you have got yourself into a very large predicament this time. One that not even I can get you out of. This is the best I can do for now. Rest assured, however, that I will contact the Ministry about the discovery of the artefact and they'll put a curse-breaking team right on it. If anything turns up, you'll be the first to know. In the meantime, I must ask that you report to Madame Pomfrey for a medical. It is important that the spell has not damaged your magical capabilities. Too much powerful magic can wreak havoc on the system of an unprepared wizard. A house elf will direct you to your quarters from there, Mr. Black."
Sirius got up and walked back towards the stairs. Just before he descended, Dumbledore spoke quietly. "Do not think you are alone, Mr. Black. Your friends will still care about you no matter what your appearance. One of your friends suffers from a curse as well, but his *is* permanent. Perhaps you will learn something, if you do not push your friends away."
‾
The new quarters were in a windowless inner portion of the castle on the third sub-level. Otherwise known as the dungeons. His trunk was already there, and besides a bed and a wardrobe, there were plain stone walls. James, Peter, and Remus arrived shortly after Sirius 'settled in.’ He was feeling too damn depressed to be terribly sociable.
"We were worried about you," said Remus. “You really ought to have told someone where you were going."
"Yeah, you weren't even at breakfast," said Peter. James looked on, a bit out of sorts. Almost as if he couldn't believe his best mate was now a girl.
"Are you stuck like that forever?" James.
"Only for a month. But still, that's more than long enough." Sirius managed a small laugh, and proceeded to tell the tale of his extremely odd morning, adding a few embellishments and leaving out some personal bits. Peter gasped in all of the appropriate places, James looked thoroughly amused, and even Remus laughed at parts.
"So, you're stuck here for a month, eh?" James, testing out the bed.
Remus looked at Sirius, he wouldn't stop looking at him, and said lightly that Christmas holidays were in three weeks anyway, so Sirius could go to his own place. Remus kept staring at Sirius out of the corner of his eye when he thought Sirius wasn't looking. It was slightly odd and un-Remus-like behaviour. But then again, Sirius supposed it must be very odd for a best mate to suddenly appear as a girl.
James was also acting a bit off. He wasn't sure what to do, how to look at Sirius now. After a half an hour of awkward near-silences, James announced his very important study plans with Lily, and dismissed himself. Peter soon followed, and then Remus gave his condolences and departed.
Sirius skipped lunch and dinner, nicked some food from the kitchens, and fell into a restless sleep. His dreams were troubled but in the morning he remembered nothing.
‾
After waking, and the initial shock of having his cock missing, and then the even greater shock of discovering that he was, in fact, still a girl, Sirius noticed that the castle was strangely silent. Then he remembered that it was Hogsmeade weekend, and anyone who could go had already left. Good for him. It meant less people staring at him in the corridors.
He dressed slowly and contemplatively, trying to see what still fit his annoyingly slender frame without falling off. Half an hour later, he was lying in bed, feeling sorry for himself, when a knock was heard on the door.
"Go away."
"It's me." It was Remus' voice.
"What are you doing still here? Why aren't you in Hogsmeade or something?" Sirius was vaguely aware of how whiny and miserably girly his voice sounded.
"Prongs went with Evans."
"So. Go with Wormtail."
"Can't. Wormtail has a date too."
"He does?"
"Yeah. Now come out here and go to Hogsmeade with me. It's no fun to go alone."
"Go and find some girl to take, why don't you."
"They're all already there. Besides. . . .you're a girl now, aren't you?" Remus' tone was mocking, even through the heavy wooden door.
"I am NOT a girl!" Shouted Sirius at the door.
"Then come with me to Hogsmeade as my mate, Sirius Black, you know, the bloke."
"No."
Silence. Sirius perked up on the bed, listening for departing footsteps. There were none. He was surprised and secretly relieved.
A long sigh resounded from behind the door. "Padfoot, you know what you're doing, don't you? You, my friend, are acting exactly like Evans does around that time of the month. Now are you a girl or aren't you?”
"Fuck you," Sirius replied as he slammed the door behind him and stormed quickly down the corridor. Remus jogged to his side, brushing his light brown fringe out of his eyes and wearing a victorious smile.
‾
The Three Broomsticks Pub was crowded with Hogwarts students, but Sirius and Remus had managed to find a secluded table in a corner, and so far nobody had noticed that Sirius was now a girl. So far. Their friendly conversation was interrupted by the approach of Ashley Naughtingworth, sixth year Ravenclaw Keeper and generally good-natured pompous arsehole. Earlier in the year, a giggling group of girls (all houses had apparently united together) had taken a poll to see who was the most desirable, handsomest boy in all of Hogwarts. Naughtingworth had taken second place. Needless to say it had not helped him in the modesty department.
Ashley sauntered up to the table where Sirius sat staring into his mug, willing it not to happen. Willing Ashley to just shut up and not hit on every single girl he saw. . . "Hello, beautiful," Ashley said smoothly. "How come I've never seen you around here before?"
Sirius glanced up and grimaced slightly. "Oh, you have, Naughtingworth. You have."
Now it was Ashley's turn to be a bit put out. He ruffled his blonde hair nervously. "Do I know you?" He asked, then his eyes flew down past the Gryffindor scarlet and yellow scarf to rest on Sirius' chest. For a moment, Sirius almost believed Ashley was enough of a prat to be openly staring at his breasts, then realized it must be the house seal, proclaiming him to be a Hogwarts student.
Ashley did a double take. ". . .Sirius?" Sirius glared in affirmation. Remus, sitting beside him, sniggered. Sirius glared at him too.
"Bloody hell," exclaimed Ashley. "I had heard, you know, that something bad had happened to you, but I never imagined that, you would, well, you know, . . . . Look, I’m really sorry about that 'beautiful' comment, just forget I ever said that. . . . bloody hell. . ." He trailed off.
Sirius sighed. "Don't worry your pretty little head over me, okay, Naughtingworth? Just enjoy your title of 'most sex-god like' bloke in Hogwarts while it lasts. A month, to be precise." Sirius made a dismissive gesture. Ashley walked away, visibly shaken.
Remus laughed. "It appears that someone is taking this even worse than you, dear Padfoot."
‾
Sirius sat alone on a small box, in the empty alleyway behind Gladrags Wizard Wear, kicking the sludge that was left after the moderate snowfall had melted away, and the brown remained. It was late afternoon and Sirius was feeling miserable again. He had just spent the entire day pottering about Hogsmeade with Remus, being stared at by everybody. Whispers had followed him through all the shops, and people he was generally well acquainted with stared at him from a distance rather than attempt a decent conversation. To top that all off, his faithful Moony had popped off to parts unknown without so much as a word, leaving Sirius to face the discreet glances and outright stares for himself. So, Sirius sat defeated, away from the mill of students still overpowering the village, somewhat angry at Remus. At least things couldn't get much worse.
"Padfoot?" Someone was calling his name. Remus' clear voice rang out even louder as his cold-brightened face rounded the corner. "Padfoot?"
"Moony." Sirius said blandly, although he was actually glad Remus had found him. Things did not get worse. They were getting better, for once.
Remus trudged slowly through the sleet towards him. He was carrying a large brown-paper wrapped parcel under the one arm and had a worried frown on his face. His two light brown eyebrows were pulled together and crinkled in a way that made Sirius feel extremely guilty for some reason.
"You were hiding from me on purpose," Remus regarded him crossly. "You were sitting here feeling sorry for yourself this whole time, while I was off getting you a present."
"Alright," Sirius said with mock resignation. "You've got me there, you know me far too well.' He sighed dramatically and eyed the parcel under Remus' arm curiously. A present? Remus always did his holiday shopping early, Sirius knew Remus had already got him a Christmas gift. This didn't have anything to do with his being a girl, did it?
"Look, I know it's a cheap play on you being a girl," Remus explained, "but it's really funny. And it wasn't any trouble to me either." He raised his eyebrows mischievously and now handed the package over to Sirius.
It was quite heavy for its size, and had odd hard pointy bits. Sirius took of the brown paper slowly to reveal a life sized stone rooster. It had obviously seen better days, and appeared to once have been painted, but the paint was very old and almost worn off.
"Does it do anything?" Sirius was curious to know if it was enchanted.
"No, I suppose not," said Remus, as he leaned forward, staring at the bird. "I really think that it must be muggle. I got it from Mrs Ergewater's pile, so it's not guaranteed anything."
The pile in question, Sirius knew, towered over the one story brick house of 'crazy old Ergewater,' one of Hogsmeade's more eccentric old ladies. It was mostly muggle refuse, bits of machinery, and odd magazines with non-moving pictures rotting away from the weather. Sirius wondered where the pile had come from. He also wondered how Remus had got the rooster from Ergewater.
"You nicked it?" He asked Remus, with a hint of wonder in his voice.
Remus rolled his eyes. "I’m only a prefect at Hogwarts, you know. The badge isn't permanently branded on my forehead." He paused, "Well?"
Sirius was confused. "Well, what?"
"Don't you get it? It's a cock! Since you are 'temporarily' missing yours, I thought you could use one. More than Mrs Ergewater does, anyway." He looked supremely pleased with himself. Sirius had to laugh.
"I shall cherish it forever," declared Sirius dramatically, clutching the cock proudly to his breast (which, sadly, did include breasts), "and just think, it's only slightly smaller than the original."
At this, Remus started laughing even harder, and it was quite necessary for Sirius to kick him.
‾
On the pleasant walk back to Hogwarts, Sirius considered that it was perhaps possible to live through this ordeal after all. He glanced over at Remus, who was chivalrously carrying the pilfered cock once again wrapped up in paper. Remus caught his eye and smiled.
At least Remus was still being nice to him. But the way Remus had smiled just then suddenly caught Sirius' attention. Remus was being too nice. Almost as if. . . as if Remus, his own Moony, fancied him.
It was a disturbing thought at first, but then again, Sirius mused, he was in the body of a very fetching girl, like it or not. Besides, he was probably reading too much into things anyway.
‾
The next few weeks passed agonizingly slowly, but then they had passed, hadn’t they? People had stared and talked in hushed voices at first, but then everything sort of just. . .returned to normal. People adjusted, and Sirius still held the power to charm that he had possessed as a handsome boy, only now it tended not to work as well on McGonagall. Slytherins, Snivellus in particular, were eager to goad and pester him about his predicament, but slow to learn that even though he was a girl, he still cast hexes just as powerfully.
James and Peter got their heads out of their arses and away from girls long enough for the Marauders to reign supreme again, and forget that one of their number was female. James also 'got over it' and became the best mate he always was, and always would be. Last but not least, Remus was a constant companion, and, Sirius was sure, fancied him something awful.
‾
It was now four days away from the end of term and the start of the Christmas holiday. A wonderfully ordinary Wednesday evening, as Sirius sat across from Remus in Sirius' temporary quarters. They were playing wizard's chess, and it was an exceptionally close and gruelling match. When Remus finally declared "checkmate," it signalled an end to their night. Remus collected his board and pieces and headed to the door. Sirius followed, and just as Sirius was holding the door open for him, Remus suddenly, and without explanation, leaned in to kiss Sirius on the cheek, before turning quickly to leave. Sirius caught his arm, almost toppling the chess pieces, and kissed him hotly on the lips. They broke apart and Remus disappeared into the darkened corridor.
‾
The next morning, Sirius received a summons from Dumbledore. Reporting to the Headmaster's office before lessons, he met with a surprising announcement.
"Good news, Mr. Black," Dumbledore said. "The Ministry's team has found a counter-spell to combat the effects of the artefact you discovered. It is, in fact, quite simple. It merely involves reading the original writing backwards, only shifted three characters down the traditional Merlinian scale. Curse-coding basics, really. But still, you are a very lucky young man, Mr. Black."
Dumbledore looked at Sirius with smiling anticipation in his bright blue eyes. Sirius himself was currently in a state of emotional shock, but to the point of outward numbness. He slowly took the proffered slip of paper and read the Latin words inscribed. The change back was painless.
He heard himself offer thanks to Dumbledore, and to send on thanks to the Ministry team, and before he knew it, he was at the foot of the gargoyle leading up to the Headmaster's office. Once again fully male. A small part of him was very happy. The rest of his psyche was in turmoil, and most of it owing to the events of the previous night.
When James saw Sirius at breakfast, he was ecstatic, as was Peter. Remus looked happy for him, and offered a slight smile, but was quick to turn back to his porridge and toast.
‾
Sirius and Remus never spoke about the kiss they had shared, and eventually things returned to a state of normality. But Sirius had changed, and from that day forward so had his relationship with Remus. Though it never again approached anything physical, Sirius Black loved Remus Lupin, *his* faithful Moony, and loved him more than just as a brother. And he would until the day he died.
‾
End.