The door opened, silence feel upon the classroom again and Remus went back to his desk. He was looking very pale and bit his lips while he gathered his things and put them inside his schoolbag. McGonagall and Flitwick exchanged looks, and the usually cheerful face of the Charms professor turned sad. The other Gryffindor and Ravenclaw students kept respectfully silent until Remus left the classroom led by McGonagall.

In the midst of the atmosphere of terror that was rising outside Hogwarts' walls, all the students realised that a tragedy had striken the Lupin family. James exchanged a brief look with Lily, whose face showed sadness, and Peter's happy expression darkened. Sirius could only think that Remus had been on the verge of tears.

"Children, lets get back to our lesson", Flitwick said.

His tone was bleaker than usual, and when he continued the lesson it was obvious that he was trying to distract them.

Without thinking Sirius stood up and looked at Flitwick with the pleading expression that was becoming a habit for him. His eyes were requesting something that the professor understood.

"Yes, Mister Black. You may go."

That was everything that Flitwick said and needed to say. Sirius nodded thankfully, and exchanged a last look with James before leaving the classroom.

He did not have to walk for long before finding McGonagall and Remus, who were going to Gryffindor Tower. Anyway, he preferred to follow them at a prudent distance. After they arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait and entered the Common Room, Sirius tightened his step and approached the portrait.

"I thought one of you would appear", the Lady said.

"Really?"

"It was to be expected. Password?"

"Golden lions."

As soon as he spoke those words the portrait allowed him to get into the Common Room. He saw professor McGonagall, waiting and looking at the stairs that led to the boys' bedrooms. Without turning around to see who had arrived, McGonagall said,

"You should be attending class, Black."

Sirius knew that, after the incident with Snape, he had stopped being one of McGonagall's favorite students. It was not the first time that he wished he could change the past.

"Professor Flitwick gave me permission. I need to know what happened to Remus."

It seemed that McGonagall was about to answer something harsh, and Sirius knew that he well deserved all the insults in the world, but his teacher's lips transformed into a thin line, and then she answered,

"Lupin's father is dying. He won't make it to the night."

Sirius felt a sudden and deep emptiness inside his stomach. Marcus Lupin, dying?

Like the rest of his friends, Sirius had met Remus' parents. It wasn't common to find a couple so dedicated to their son. James' parents were eccentric and fun, and Peter's mother was fragile and kind, but the Lupins were loving and caring. As a result of Remus' tragedy they had become closer when any other family would have destroyed themselves. Just as Sirius knew that his impatience and imprudence were rebellious answers to the "old and honourable" family Black, he also knew that, in spite of his illness, Remus was who he was thanks to his parents.

He noticed that the room had grown silent. He looked at his teacher and asked,

"Was it Vold...?"

He didn't dare to finish the word. Him and his friends had been daring each other to pronounce Voldemort's name, and the only one who hadn't achieved it so far was Peter. But he also knew that many great wizards didn't like to say it, and he wasn't sure if McGonagall was one of them.

"No", she answered. "He had a terminal disease detected some weeks ago. Marie and him hoped that the Healers would be able to cure him without Remus ever learning the truth. But..."

Magic can't heal everything, Sirius thought, and he, who had never known the inconditional love of a father, grieved that such a loving parent was about to die.

"Marie asked me to send Remus home so he can say goodbye to his father", continued McGonagall. "I imagine he might take a leave of absence and remain there some days after the funeral."

It was then that Sirius noticed he had tightened his hands into fists.

"Professor, may I?"

McGonagall looked at him without surprise, as if she had been waiting for that question.

"You can. But, Black, please be prudent."

Sirius nodded, understanding her reasons, and hurried towards the sixth grade students' bedroom.

Remus had already changed clothes and was placing some things inside his schoolbag when Sirius entered the room. Remus' black cloak was on the bed, next to the books he would have used during that day; everything seemed as an early mourning. Sirius forced himself to close the door and to think three times every word before saying it.

"Remus..."

Lupin turned around. His eyes were full of tears, but he didn't spill them. Sirius realized he was at a loss for words, his hands tight, and was only able to look back until he had to avoid his gaze.

"I..."

Remus looked at Sirius, and for the first time in days he realised that he had changed. It was as if his cheerful spirit had been lost. The Sirius he had known —the one he had fallen in love with— would had never been so thin, so heartbroken, so sad... So truly repented.

Though a deeper pain was breaking his soul, a different kind of pain filled his heart.

"I...", Sirius whispered again, gaze fixed on the floor.

"I know."

Silence was his only answer, but before Sirius could answer, he added,

"Me too."

Sirius met his eyes. Remus was very pale, biting his lips, with eyes brimmed with tears. His father was dying! And even so...

Casting all thought aside, Sirius approached Remus and hugged him, without giving him any opportunity to react. He felt Remus' body tensing and feared he might try to break apart, so he hugged him tighter and rambled,

"I am sorry! Please, forgive me! I didn't think about what I was doing! I swear, if I could do anything to change what happenned, I'd do it! Please, I beg you!"

By all answer, he felt a hand that with certain doubts began to touch his back. All Sirius could do was tighten the embrace even more, and in reaction, Remus finally hugged him back.

They remained in silence for some seconds, just hugging each other. If words had almost destroyed their friendship, maybe silence would heal it. Sirius barely noticed when a couple of tears escaped his eyes, and hated himself for it. At least until he heard,

"I know. Forget it. It's in the past."

Where had those words come from? Maybe once he calmed down, Remus would find that they came from the bottom of his heart. After the silence, those words were stronger than any resentment or pain, powerful enough to save the friendship that had been lost two weeks ago.

They pulled apart. Sirius looked at Remus' eyes and didn't avoid them for the first time in days.

"I'm so stupid. It can't be that precisely now..."

Remus forced himself to stay calm, though a tear started to roll down his face.

"Dad is dying", he whispered.

"Everything will come out right", Sirius answered.

"You know that's not true."

"But you must believe it anyway."

Remus, unable to follow the conversation, went to gather his things. Sirius stayed where he was.

"You know that, whatever happens, we will be with you. That I will be with you, don't you?", he asked.

Remus returned, bag and coat in his hands. He stopped next to Sirius and, for the last time in that conversation, whispered,

"I know it. I have always known."

And, in spite of the pain, he smiled weakly. With a sigh, he went to the door, Sirius by his side. Though he knew that what was about to happen would be extremely bitter, he felt stronger than before.

It was until the following morning, at breakfast time, that they got news from Remus. Aeolus, the Lupins' owl, entered the Great Hall along with the rest of the owl post. Although it went directly to James, Sirius saw that his name and Peter's were also written on the envelope.

James opened the letter without wanting to learn its contents, since he already guessed by then. He was not mistaken.

It was a sunny day, but it suddenly felt very cold.

Sirius knew that there was something wrong with Remus, but it took him some days to realise what was exactly happening. As a testimony to how much he knew Remus and something more, he first noticed it during the funeral.

At Marie Lupin's request, Dumbledore had allowed James, Peter and Sirius to attend the funeral. She didn't want his son to be alone, a fact that could be solved with his best friends' presence. For James and Peter it wasn't difficult to get authorization, and Sirius received it from James' father, given that he was no longer living at the Black house.

When they arrived at the cementery and he saw them, Remus' eyes showed a bit of happiness. When Sirius hugged him offering his condolences, he felt that Remus shared with him (or with them, he wasn't sure) a vulnerability that was not obvious on his appearance. But Remus, a few minutes later, returned to his mother to keep her company. His illness had driven some relatives away, and though they had assisted to the funeral, Remus seemed to fear that any unsuitable remark might hurt his mother.

There was a brief ceremony, an eulogy and, in the end, the burial. It was then that Marie began to cry and leaned on her son, who firmly held her hands. And it was then that Sirius noticed what seemed to be wrong with Remus.

He wasn't crying. Unlike what had happened in Gryffindor Tower, he didn't even have tears in his eyes.

Sirius knew that each person reacted differently, that Remus had became his mother's pillar all of the sudden and that he, himself, would not cry at his father's funeral. But Marcus Lupin, unlike the honorable Mr. Black, deserved to be cried. Demons, he had felt his own eyes become turn wet during the eulogy, although he did not know if it was for Marcus, for Remus or even for himself and his inability to love his father.

But the days had passed by and Remus had returned to Hogwarts, and he continued behaving calm and reserved. When he was with them, he didn't make any comment about his father or the funeral. He only asked for the notes he had missed during his absence, and soon was his responsible Prefect-persona again.

One day, as to confirm his suspicions, Sirius had found Remus reading near to the lake. Given that James was at Quidditch practice and that Peter had insisted in being "Prongs' moral support", he wasn't surprised to find him alone.

"Remus, do you want to talk about what happenned?", he had asked after joining him, once they ran out of school topics (the Quidditch cup, the Slytherins' latest mistakes, James' habit of almost stalking Lily).

"I thought we had mended it", Remus answered, a look of surprise in his face. "You made a mistake, I was too harsh with you, we're even."

Sirius shook his head.

"No, not that. I was thinking about your father."

Remus, with a too calculated voice for Sirius' taste, answered,

"There is nothing to talk about".

"Well... there is. I mean, are you alright?"

"I am as fine as I could be."

"But..."

"Sirius, shouldn't you be at the Quidditch field? Maybe James needs your moral support too."

And, with those words, Remus returned to his book, even if he turned the pages faster than usual.

Sirius was not the only one who had noticed his behavior.

"It's no surprise that this happenned", concluded James, who was adding a new corridor they had found a couple of days ago to the Marauder's Map.

Next to him, Sirius was writing the the last paragraphs of a paper for Binns that he had to hand in the following day. Remus and Peter had gone to sleep early.

"But it isn't normal, don't you think?", he asked, taking his eyes off from the parchment. "I mean, God forbid, but if your father..."

James waved, as if he could push away the recent mourning with his hand.

"Yes, and Peter can barely remember his", he answered. "But none of us is in Remus' situation."

"Situation?"

"We don't need as much control as he does, Sirius."

"Explain yourself."

"Are we stupid today?"

"Write a paper for Binns at one o'clock in the morning and then tell me."

James smiled.

"You have a point."

He finished drawing the line and, leaving his quill over the table, started to say with his best didactic tone,

"Mum says that each one of us is determined by one or two emotions, little Padfoot. She claims that most of us act driven by love or fear, but I believe the range is wider."

Sirius imitated his best friend and put his parchment aside.

"Love and fear?"

"I believe it can be applied to your case, but I'm not talking about you."

"And what about you, Prongsy?"

He hoped James would laugh at his new nickname, but by all answer, he smiled weakly.

"I know my life is determined by love and fear, but we're not talking about me either. We're talking about Remus. And he's determined by control."

Sirius, who still held his quill, began to nibble one of its ends.

"Do you understand why Moony got so angry at you when you told Snivellus how to get to the Shack?"

By all answer, Sirius raised his eyes. As James remained silent, he said,

"Because I betrayed him."

"Well... yes, partly it was because of that", James accepted, messing his hair without noticing. "But, what does a treason cause?"

Sirius kept on chewing the end of his quill and stared at the fire. James didn't show the slightest intention to help, so he knew it was up to him.

"A treason", he began, slighty disgusted at the idea that everything he was saying was applicable to him, "is a breach in confidence, friendship and loyalty. It gives the traitor power over the other person because now he's the only one in..."

He became silent. He looked at James, comprehension drawning in his eyes, and whispered,

"Control."

James, with a patience that few would believe possible, said,

"When you gave Snape the key to discover Remus' secret, you took away his ability to control who would know it. That hurt him the most. Sure, besides the fact that you behaved like a bad and insensitive friend."

"Do you mind if we judge the quality of my friendship later? What does that have to do with the funeral?"

"Everyone thinks you're intelligent. Prove it."

Mumbling, Sirius rested his back against his armchair. Control, he thought, Remus likes to be in control. He has to. He must always be in control because he is a werewolf. That is the reason why he behaves while James and I misbehave. But that is also why he doesn't stop us when we are bad to Snivellus. He controls himself because we are his friends and he doesn't want to lose us. So he tries to be in control of everything, although I'd love him to lose his control with me. Only with me. No James, no Peter, maybe no clothes either. But I'm drifting here. So, it is all about control. And now he has to be even more in control because Marie is the only person he has left, and he must support his mother as he supports us. So he must be calm and cool because he lost control once when I took it away from him, and he can't risk losing it again, even if that means...

"Yes, Sirius, that's the reason why he hasn't mourned his father", said James, grabbing the map when he realised his friend had understood his point. "As he lost the control of his life recently, he feels he must recover it at any cost, even if that means repressing such a deep pain."

Sirius' expression had changed. It showed absolute guilt and sadness.

"I did that to him?"

James stood up and walked towards their bedroom. When he passed next to Sirius, he patted his shoulder in a solidary gesture.

"You didn't mean to. He knows it."

He softly squeezed his mate's shoulder and, seconds later, left him all alone. It would take a long time before Sirius went to sleep, his essay forgotten.

If he had done so much damage to Remus, the least he could do was try to fix it. He couldn't do anything about Snape and he could not bring his father back from the dead, but at least he could try to break the emotional barrier that Remus was building around his heart.

After the incident with Snape all his visits to Hogsmeade had been cancelled, so he had to think about something he could do for Remus, not something he could buy. At first, he thought he could invite him to do something fun (like looking for new passages, going to the Forbidden Forest, playing a game of Quidditch), but those were things he could do with Peter and James any other day. No, it had to be something different. Special. For Remus only.

Sirius thought about the possibilities day and night, and whenever Remus looked at him with sad but dry eyes, his will to find an answer grew stronger.

History of Magic wasn't an interruption. The only difference was that, instead of falling asleep during Professor Binns' lecture, his brain kept on looking for an answer. It was quite an achievement, given that James and Peter were almost asleep and that Remus, the only one of them who used to take notes, was idly drawing on the margins of his parchment.

Usually, when someone asked a question during History of Magic, sheer curiosity would wake everybody up at the sound of a different voice. Some seconds later, everyone would go back to sleep. That class was not an exception and his thoughts were interrupted when Lily Evans, her hand on the air, requested permission to speak. Binns took some seconds to notice her.

"Yes, Miss Evergreen?"

Binns usually confused his students' names, so Lily made no effort to correct him.

"Pardon me, Professor, but did you say that the conflicts between elves and goblins started because of a tradition?"

"That was what I said."

"Excuse me, I don't understand", Lily insisted. She rather ask dozens of questions than remain in doubt. "Wasn't it because of their racial differences?"

Most of her classmates had already returned to their slumber, except for James, who looked at her with some sort of idiotic adoration, and Sirius, who was awake anyway. Binns didn't seem to realise it and, after clearing a throat that was no longer there, said,

"Although goblins and elves belong to different races, they are more related between themselves than they are to human beings. Nevertheless, elves have always devoted their lives to serve humans, something goblins would never do on their own will. One of the main differences between them were their traditions and rites. Some wizards at that time mistook a goblins' rite for an elvic one and, therefore, hoped to recieve the same servitude from the mistaken group, something that didn't suit the goblins very well."

"And what kind of rite was it?", asked Lily, interested in the details.

"A funerary rite."

Sirius didn't listen to the rest of the lecture, and couldn't care less if Lily and Binns continued exchanging points of view about long-dead creatures, nor if James still had his best idiotic face on, or if Peter had not woken up. All he could do was look at Remus. He hadn't paid any attention and continued drawing, lost in thought.

Sirius smiled.

Given that his friendship with Remus had been healed, it was not difficult for Sirius to convince him that, instead of going to sleep, they should go to look for new passageways. Remus, with his customary responsibility, told him to take James, but Sirius claimed that Prongs had lots of homework to do after their last detention. Curiously, he forgot to mention that, if James had so much homework it was because he had agreed to do Sirius' too, consequence of the same detention.

It was late at night, so both were protected by James' Invisibility Cloak. Sirius had also brought a bag with him, and although Remus didn't know its contents, he imagined they were Dungbombs or something similar in case they ran into Filch or Mrs. Norris.

They stopped at a corridor. Sirius checked the Marauder's Map and verified that janitor, cat, and ghosts were far away from them.

"It's close", he whispered.

Remus nodded and followed him. He had the feeling that they were leaving the castle's main building.

He was not mistaken. After crossing a corridor hidden by a couple of tapestries and passing by two columns without torches, they were outside, in one of the smaller courtyards. Remus identified it immediately: it was a small garden near the Astronomy Tower. In other times, it might had been used to grow medicinal plants before the edification of the greenhouse.

Sirius took the Cloak off, pointed his wand to each of the four corners of the courtyard and said,

"Silencio."

Remus noticed that the outer noise was extinguished. Everything remained normal inside the bubble Sirius had summoned, as he verified while walking over the soft turf that covered the ground.

"Done", Sirius said, and began to take some objects out of his bag.

Remus watched around them, especially towards the Astronomy Tower.

"I know they can't hear us", he asked, "but can't they see us?"

"Nah", Sirius answered without looking at him, busy with the preparations of whatever he was planning. "I checked the other groups' schedules. No one has class at this hour. Besides, the sky is too cloudy. It will rain. And just to be sure, I learned that very few come to this garden even at daytime."

Remus seemed to find that information very reasonable. Even so, he took the Map and checked it again. Nobody was near.

"Ready."

Until then, Sirius allowed him to look at whatever he had brought. Remus saw that, over the grass, he had placed a deep bowl; he must have filled it with some weird substance, because some kind of liquid seemed to shine within it. Next to the bowl he had placed a couple of candles and a glass filled with water, and a soft smell revealed that he had also started to burn a twig of incense.

Sirius motioned Remus to come closer and kneel by his side. His friend obeyed.

"What's this?", Remus wondered as he looked the silvery substance.

Sirius hesitated, as if his plan was no longer a good idea.

"A tradition", he answered. "An old funerary rite that uncle Alphard taught me."

In other situation, Remus would had been very interested in learning about the only branch of the Black family that loved Sirius. But he had tensed while he listened to his words.

"Funerary?"

"Do you know what a Pensieve is?"

In spite of Sirius' attempts to change the conversation, Remus was tenser than before.

"Of course you know what a Pensieve is. You take notes in class", Sirius rambled, not wanting to notice that his hands were shaking. "For this rite we need one, but I wasn't going to owl my family to ask for one, you might understand why. I believe this potion might create a similar effect, of course, it bears no real comparison, but..."

Remus stood up and began to leave. Sirius cursed in a low voice and rose, able to reach him after some steps.

"Wait, I..."

"Which one of your relatives died recently?", Remus asked, a crease forming between his eyebrows and suspicion appearing in his eyes. "Did you really love him so much as to perform a rite in his honor? He must had been a long lost relative, I guess, given that we know nothing about him."

Sirius did not answer. Remus could hurt a lot with his words, and he wondered if he knew it. But that increased his decision and said,

"He wasn't my relative, but a man that I admired a lot. Marcus Lupin."

Remus tried to leave again, but Sirius grabbed his arm.

"I knew you were going to react like this! That was why I didn't tell you before!"

"If you knew, why did you bring me here in the first place?", Remus spat.

"Because I need your help!"

Althought Remus didn't move, his eyes showed something close to resentment when he looked at Sirius.

"I want closure, Remus. For me, your father was the symbol of everything that my father could never be. I want to mourn him. The fact that you haven't cried for him doesn't mean that everyone in the world is going to be as repressed as you."

Sirius expected Remus to answer something in the lines of why do you care? or mind your own business, and he was even ready to avoid a punch in the face. But Lupin remained silent, which confirmed James' theories about his need to regain control at any cost.

"Please, help me", he insisted. "It's not a long rite, and if you want to hit me when we finish, I won't defend myself."

For a long moment, Remus and Sirius looked at each other in complete silence, one wondering why he had to listen and the other hoping that his true intentions were not too obvious. At the end, Remus avoided Sirius' gaze and returned to the small altar that Black had improvised. Sirius sighed and reached him just as he was kneeling down.

"The sooner we start, the sooner we will end", growled Remus.

Sirius nodded, for once believing that silence was actually a good option. He took his wand again and, whispering a spell, lit up the candles.

"Please do as I do", he requested.

Remus, still angry, barely nodded. Then, Sirius placed his wand over the bowl, gesture that Lupin imitated, and said,

"Air. Water. Earth. Fire. For the living and dead. For the souls that listen and watch us, and for the one whom I want to honour tonight. For an end and for a beginning. For all my days remaining."

Silence was his only answer. He looked sideways at Remus and noticed that the resentment was starting to be replaced by tension.

"Your turn", he said.

Remus repeated the words with the coolest voice he was able to manage. As soon as he finished, Sirius almost touched the silvery substance with the tip of his wand.

"I met a person in whose honour I perform this rite", he said as the potion took a pearly tone. "I request, beg and implore him to, if possible, listen to my words and accept my goodbye."

And without looking at Remus, corrected,

"Our goodbye."

He didn't have to remind Remus to repeat his words. Then he said,

"I need your help."

"So far, you haven't needed it", answered Remus with a voice that tried to be cold but somehow failed.

"I told you it's a tradition. The problem is, your father and I weren't close enough. To do it properly, one of the attendants must have loved him deeply."

Remus bit his lips, but Sirius was careful enough to not congratulate himself for such a small triumph.

"We need to remember the moments that we shared with him, what we liked the most about him and even those moments when we hated him. We don't want to sanctify anyone. For each memory...", he added taking one of the flowers, "we need to drop a petal into the bowl. It will be as if we removed one thought from our minds. That was why we needed a Pensieve."

Remus looked at the flowers. They had far too many petals for his taste.

"When will we stop?"

"Believe me, I will know", Sirius answered, and it was half true and half lie.

Remus sighed and, full of resignation, took the other flower. Sirius touched his with his wand and said,

"In memoriam."

Remus did the same. To his surprise, the flower seemed to shine for a second. Sirius, with a calm expression, placed his wand close to the bowl and picked the first petal.

"Thanks for inviting me to your house last Christmas", he said and dropped the petal into the bowl.

Softly, the petal fell into the liquid. As soon as they made contact, both seemed to shine. Sirius noticed that Remus looked at the reaction with supressed amazement.

"Your turn", he whispered.

For a couple of seconds Remus didn't move, just holding the petal he had chosen but without separating it from the flower. At last, he picked it and, while dropping it into the bowl, said,

"Thanks for remaining by my side in spite of everything."

"Thanks for offering to speak with my parents to improve my situation", Sirius said.

Once again, Remus took some time before dropping the next petal. Sirius wondered if he had too many things to say to his father and couldn't settle for one.

"Thanks for doing everything in your hands so I could be cured."

"Thanks for scolding me after I beat up the Quidditch captain when he didn't accept me on the team."

"Thanks for not abandoning Mum after I was bitten."

"Thanks for scolding James when he made fun of me for being scolded", added Sirius, smiling.

"Thanks for loving me."

At that instant, Sirius looked at Remus. His voice had broken. Lupin realised it and whispered,

"Sorry."

"Don't worry", Sirius answered, smiling. "It's all right."

Before Remus could understand what was happening, Sirius picked another petal.

"Thanks for letting me meet me one of my best friends."

"Thanks for telling me tales without wolves", Remus whispered.

"Thanks for all the advice you gave me each summer at Platform 9 3/4. You know I followed it. Alright, sometimes."

"Thanks for hugging me even when you were just as scared as I was."

"Thanks for behaving more as family than... well, you know."

"Thanks for being the best father I could ever have."

And, with those words, Sirius noticed that something had broken inside Remus. He still held the flower and had picked the corresponding petal, but he had not dropped it. He was very quiet, his gaze fixed on the bowl and tears silently rolling down his face.

Sirius said nothing. He left his own flower next to the bowl and, softly, took Remus' hand and helped him to release the last petal.

"Marcus Lupin, thanks for sharing our lives and making them more brilliant", he said. "We will miss you and we wait for the moment when we shall meet again."

And, still holding Remus, he whispered on his ear.

"Time to say goodbye."

"I love you, Dad."

And that was it. Remus finally collapsed, crying without being able to control himself anymore. Sirius hugged him and felt Remus hiding his face against his chest, hugging him in return. Tears were falling over the front of his robes. Softly, Sirius began to caress his hair, whispering comforting words.

Minutes passed before Remus could calm down. Sirius, patiently, hugged him until he stopped sobbing. He wondered how much pain Remus had been keeping inside his heart, repressing it because of the mistake he had made.

Too much. Just too much.

He felt guilty and, pushing all thoughts aside, kissed Remus' forehead.

Silence surrounded them. Remus kept very still. Sirius cursed his lack of prudence and hoped that his friend would not deem it as a lack of respect. But he couldn't come up with a good excuse for that kiss, maybe because he didn't regret it.

"Is the rite over?", Remus asked.

Sirius noticed he had not changed his position. Maybe he wasn't angry. Maybe he had understood the situation as a last plea for forgiveness. Yup, he must have done it. He was an intelligent boy.

"It's over", he whispered, and couldn't help but to caress Remus' hair again.

"Really?"

"I told you I'd knew when we were done."

Remus didn't answer. Sirius hoped he wasn't having second thoughts. Maybe he was already having them. All he could hope was that he hadn't doomed their renewed friendship.

But if Remus knew, he didn't show. Sirus noticed that he had started to softly rub his face against his chest.

It was not very different from a Moony exploration during a full moon night, so he remained still, just as Padfoot did. But he had never seen Remus act that way when he was in human form. Remus, as James said, was a creature of control. He would never allow any instincts of the wolf to show themselves while he was human —heck, they even thought that, if Remus actually kept any animal instincts during the longest part of the month, he did a terrific job hiding them.

Either that, or Remus was exploring him on purpose.

Remus began to raise his face, slowly, like if he was smelling Sirius' neck. Sirius knew (thought, hoped) that he was just playing, maybe even taking revenge for the rite. Then the tip of Remus' nose touched the skin of his neck and all thought was forgotten.

He had to tell him something, didn't he? Ask him what he was doing, or if he was angry. But Sirius only managed to entangle his fingers in Remus' hair, whose lips were grazing the skin of his neck.

Remus didn't stop. And in spite of Marcus' advice or McGonagall's warnings, Sirius was not a prudent person. He would never be. So, very slowly, he turned his face and, in a second, his nose met Remus'.

Both remained still, without daring to continue or to pull apart. They exchanged a look, but each one of them was unable to interpret the unspoken words on the other's eyes.

"What's happening?", Sirius asked, his breath grazing Remus' skin.

Until then, he noticed his heart was beating with such force that he was sure that James could hear it and was already wondering what the hell was that sound.

Remus smiled. Sirius felt it on his skin.

"Another rite."

He approached a little more. Sirius couldn't hold back any longer and imitated him.

The first touch of lips was fearful, abrupt and strange. Sirius couldn't reason where he should put his nose or how much he needed to suck Remus' lips or if his embrace was hard enough to hurt him. He didn't know if he should breathe or not, or if holding Remus' hair would keep him close for a longer time. The only thing he was sure about was that his heart had never beated so hard nor so fast, and that his hands had never shaken so much.

Then he felt Remus' hands touching the skin of his neck until they reached his nape and stayed there. It was as if he was also trying to keep him in place. He felt his soft breath on his skin, and the slight salty flavor that the tears had left on his lips. He was also trembling, and in that second, everything was new between them. It had never been better.

Sirius tried to smile and, sighing, opened his mouth and began to rub his tongue against Remus' lips. He had been too bold already, so he hoped that last show of daring would be pardoned with the others.

When Remus imitated him and their tongues met for the first time, he realised he had already been forgiven.

The contact was slow and fearful, but only in the beginning, and soon Sirius' heart was filled by a sensation of life and happiness that he hadn't believed possible. It was powerful, nurturing and devastating at the same time, and Sirius knew he had entered one of the greatest mysteries of human existence. All he could do was hug Remus tightly while their tongues intertwined, tasting one another with more passion every second.

Remus moaned, but Sirius didn't know if it had to do with pleasure, pain or desire. Maybe it had to do with everything and nothing at the same time. He forgot when Remus pulled him closer, as if he wanted to enebriate his senses, the wolf's included.

A shining white light broke the darkness of the small garden and an uproarious thunder announced the arrival of rain. Sirius and Remus ignored it, but another lighting forced them to separate.

For some seconds, all they could do was look at one another, until Remus smiled.

"James will have a heart attack if his cloak gets too wet", he said.

Sirius nodded. He was also smiling. He grabbed his wand and disappeared the substance that was inside the bowl while Remus put the rest of the objects inside the bag. Not before long, both were protected —again— by the Invisibility Cloak.

Like they used to do during their expeditions, they didn't say a word until they reached their Common Room (no matter if the Map showed them a clear path). Once they were there, while Remus knelt in front of the fire and placed the cloak close to dry it, all that Sirius could do was look at him and smile.

He approached Remus. He knelt by his side and surrounded his waist with his arms. He softly kissed one of his earlobes and asked,

"Feeling better?"

Remus nodded. He turned his head just enough to kiss Sirius on his cheek and whispered,

"Thanks."

"If we start thanking each other, we'll grow old before we finish."

Remus laughed quietly. Sirius was about to tease about how pleasant it was when he lost control, but that could spoil the moment and prefered to remain silent. Rain had intensified the scents and, sitting there and hiding his face in Remus' hair, he realized he could easily become addicted to his smell.

He could also become addicted to his kisses.

They heard footsteps and, reluctantly, they separated. Seconds later, a dozed James Potter was with them, protesting in jest the mistreat his cloak had suffered at their hands.

Even during that light conversation, Sirius managed to exchanged a look with Remus. When he received the smile that, he knew, was for him only, he decided to start keeping all those moments inside his heart. His soul would be his own Pensieve.

He whispered the spell that lit up the candles. Its soft light broke the night's darkness. He knew he could have done it in broad daylight, but he preferred night. That first time Sirius had chosen night.

He placed a round bowl in the center of a small altar. In addition to the candles, the altar had a glass of water, a twig of incense that was already burning and a flower full of petals.

He knew that he could have asked Dumbledore for his Pensieve. He knew that the substance inside the bowl was nothing but a base chemical used to elaborate perfume. He had known it for years; he was terrible in Potions, but had a magnificent sense of smell. He knew that was not a tradition passed on by Alphard Black. He knew it was something Sirius had made up to help him mourn his father and help him find closure.

But it was Sirius' rite.

And it was quite proper to do it again.

More now than ever.

"Air. Water. Earth. Fire", he whispered after placing his wand over the bowl. "For living and dead. For the souls that are listening and watching us, and especially for the one I want to honour."

How could he remember the words when he had heard them only once in his life? Had it been the moment? The situation? Or that Sirius had created those words and made up those prayers only for him?

"For an end. For a beginning."

His voice broke with sorrow. Which beginning? Fourteen years ago, he had kept a little hope after that horrible Halloween night. He later tore it from his heart, but it had been there. Now, there would be no new beginnings. Only an ending that had arrived too soon.

"For all my days remaining."

His eyes filled with tears, so he forced himself to breath deeply and calm down. Now he understood why Sirius had bothered to help him when his father died. He wanted closure —he needed it. As soon as the rite was over, he would finally had the certainty that everything was over.

Sirius wouldn't come back.

But that rite, that stupid made-up rite, was something he wanted to do. For both of them. To honour Sirius. To say goodbye. Because perhaps, somewhere, Sirius was listening.

He breathed deeply a couple of times and whispered,

"I knew a person in whose honour I offer this rite. I request, implore and beg hi... you, Sirius, if possible, to listen to my words and accept my goodbye."

He shouldn't be alone. He should have someone as company. Tonks? Would she cry for the uncle she barely knew? Dumbledore? Would he mourn one of his soldiers, especially when his disobedience caused his death?

Harry?

He didn't dare to think about him. James' face. Lily's eyes. Sirius' spirit. He feared the moment they would meet again. He wouldn't stand it.

And, besides, there were things he wanted to say (that he needed to say) that couldn't be spoken in front of the boy.

That thought seemed to soothe him. He took the flower and touched it with the tip of his wand.

"In memoriam."

When he picked the first petal, for some odd reason it was like if he had all the time in the world. He forgot about the Order, about Moody's warnings, about the war. He had time. He had time for Sirius and for him.

He dropped the first petal over the bowl.

"Thanks for inventing this rite for me so I could mourn my father", he whispered.

"Thanks for entering my life and changing it forever."

"Thanks for not leaving me when you learned what I was."

"Thanks for laughing at my illness and teaching me how to laugh at it."

"Thanks for all the times that Padfoot was with me, under the moonlight."

He didn't notice when he stopped saying the words aloud, but he kept picking petals and releasing them inside the bow. His mind was assaulted by memories. Sirius had been his light and his darkness, his main reason to live and the only reason why he had wanted to die. His presence meant love and joy and hate and despair. He had been the star for his moon, the restlessness for his peace.

Remus also didn't know in which moment he had started crying. Tears rolled down his face and fell over his robes. His hands were trembling, but he didn't stop picking petals.

He hadn't realised he kept so many memories inside his soul, mind and heart.

Like when Sirius told Snape how to get to the Shrieking Shack (because, in the long term, that was what brought them together).

Or when they had their first fight, right under the rain (because, minutes later, they would have sex for the first time).

Or when he showed him the new flat he had bought with Uncle Alphard's inheritance (because a few weeks later they would be living together).

Or when he started suspecting Remus was the spy (because that helped him realise just how much he loved him).

When he was taken to Azkaban (because that gave him a strenght he didn't believe he had).

That hug inside the Shack. Forget the kids, Sirius was back. And he was innocent.

Their second meeting, some days after that night. In spite of all they had to mend between themselves, they were together again.

That whole year at Grimmauld Place. Boring days spent alone, long nights even closer, trying to make up for twelve years of separation.

His hands over his skin, trying to destroy his barriers with the simple touch of his fingertips. Achieving it each and every time.

His voice, huskily whispering how much he loved him.

A tangle of arms and legs over their bed, surrounded by silence. Broken only by sighs and groans.

His face hidden against his chest, his sweaty black hair graying. Just a little.

His pale eyes, daylight during the night.

His smile illuminating his life, even while surrounded by the darkness of uncertainty.

His body —loving, desired, wanted— falling inside the archway.

Beyond the Veil.

Sirius was dead.

But maybe —oh, please let there be a maybe— wherever he was, Sirius was watching him. Maybe he'd remember that night during Sixth Grade. Maybe he'd smile and finally confess something in the lines of, "Moony, you always knew I had made it up, didn't you?".

Maybe, just maybe, he would understand just how important he had been for Remus. Even if he already knew.

For the second time in his life, Remus had cried without trying to hold back his tears. In front of Harry and Neville, he had forced himself to be calm, to put that emotional barrier that sometimes made him seem detached. But there, alone, in a moment that belonged only to Sirius and to himself, he had been able to mourn properly.

Sirius always made him lose control, like if that was the only goal in his life. Death hadn't stopped him.

When he thought that, he smiled. He dropped the last petal and said,

"Thanks for sharing my life and filling it with light. I will miss you with all my heart and I wait for the moment when we shall meet again. But, for now, I will live. For you. For Harry. For myself."

He had stopped crying. He smiled, even if his face was still stained with tears.

"I love you, Sirius. I always will."

Minutes later, when Remus blew the candles, he was able to see the Moon. He knew the Dogstar was somewhere there, in the same sky. It would be a simple matter of time before they were reunited.

finis