Pairing: Sirius/Remus, Remus/Lily, Lily/James, James/Sirius... I think that's all!
Summary: Sometimes it's best to stay quiet, and let things work themselves out.
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own this. That's why I'm publishing on a fan-site.
Archiving: The Sirius/Remus Fuh-Q-Fest (Challenge: Sirius is gay, Remus is not), and possibly ff.net if I ever get around to it.

 

Prongs

It really is obvious, once you start to think about it. It's nothing big, but lots of little things that, on their own, wouldn't even be noticeable. But when you start to put the clues together…

It's things like how, in Potions, for example, during the practical lessons, Sirius will just happen to brush his hand against Remus's whenever he reaches for an ingredient. He manages to make the contact seem completely innocent, but it happens one too many times for that to be all it is.

And sometimes I'll catch Sirius staring at Remus across the room, and he'll be looking so depressed. That's not normal for Sirius, who's usually the most enthusiastic and energetic of the lot of us.

As far as I know, Remus doesn't return Sirius's feelings, although I have no proof. I'm almost certain Remus is straight, though. In a way, that's better for me, but only if I'm feeling really selfish. If Remus is straight, then it means that Sirius has no chance with him. That then means that I have slightly more of a chance with Sirius.

I suppose I could just be over-reacting really badly to things that really don't mean anything. Maybe Sirius doesn't fancy Remus. Maybe Sirius isn't even gay. The only way I will ever know for certain is by talking to one of them. I don't want to do that, because if I do, then it'll make it all seem more real. My only hope lies in not knowing how they feel. So for now, I'll stay silent, and watch, and dream of Sirius.

Padfoot

I love him, so much that it hurts. I've known for a long time that I'm gay, and I've known for an equally long time that I love Remus Lupin. I have no idea whether he feels the same about me, and, in truth, I'm not sure if I want to know. I don't know whether I could cope if he didn't. I'm not sure which would be worse – his pity, or his anger; but I would be sure to invoke one of them, if I said anything.

Sometimes, I really do think that there is a possibility that he could like me. I remember on time in particular, last November, I think it was. It was some stupid time in the morning, and we were both still awake, trying to finish the essays we had been set to write for the Transfiguration lesson the next day. Anyway, we were the only ones left in the common room, since most sensible students try to be in bed before about two o'clock in the morning. The room was freezing cold, because the fire had gone out, and the house-elves hadn't yet been round to re-light it. So Moony had dragged down one of the big, thick blankets from his bed, and we were both curled up really close to each other on the sofa, under this blanket. I just felt so… at peace with him, and I really thought, at the time, that he felt the same way.

I wish I was able to gather up the courage to ask him how he feels about me. But I'm not brave enough yet, so, for the moment, I'll stay quiet.

Moony

I wish I didn't feel this way about her. Lily Evans is beautiful, smart, and popular… and she fancies James. She told me this about five or six months ago, so I can always hope that maybe she doesn't like him any more, at least in that way. But I'm not sure it would make much of a difference. As far as I can tell, she sees me as Remus Lupin, the 'boy next door', someone she would never even consider to be anything more than a friend.

And, of course, there's the eternal problem (for me, at least): she doesn't know that I'm a werewolf. It's one of the only things about me that she doesn't know, and that I will never tell her. I don't know how she would react, and I wouldn't want to risk our friendship. Anyway, I could never let myself become close enough to a person to have a long-term romantic relationship with them. What if, at the full moon, I bit them – maimed them, or worse… And there is so much prejudice about lycanthropy in the wizarding world; it would be close to impossible to find a non-werewolf partner who could accept me for what I am.

I should just tell her - where's all this Gryffindor bravery gone? It's getting difficult to act normally around her. And maybe, one day, I will say something. But not today.

Wormtail

They think I'm stupid. They must do – they treat me as though I'm completely oblivious to everything that goes on around me. But I'm not stupid, and I do pay attention to my surroundings. In fact, I may be the only one of our group who pays enough attention, and who isn't too wrapped up in my own feelings, to know exactly what is going on.

I know how Sirius feels about Remus. It's quite hard to miss, really. I mean, I'm probably the Marauder who spends the least time with Sirius, but that hasn't stopped me noticing. And I know that Remus doesn't return Sirius's feelings, even in the slightest. Actually, I think that he might have a crush on Lily, although I have no proof of this.

I also know that James loves Sirius, in much the same way that Sirius himself loves Remus. I know this because James told me, almost a year ago. I was the first person James 'came out' to, although I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe it's because I'm naturally such a quiet person that everyone thinks they can trust me not to tell their secrets.

I know as well that Lily is in love with James, although she'd never admit it to anyone, even herself, I think. I'm not sure if she knows that James is bi, though. But sometimes, when everyone is in the common room, I'll see Lily watching James, who's watching Sirius watch Remus, who, in turn, will be watching Lily. This whole bloody thing is such a mess.

Sometimes I want to tell one of them about it all – maybe tell Remus about Sirius, or James about Lily. But I have a feeling that, if anything, doing that would make even more problems. And anyway, I suspect that, as the 'outsider' to the whole thing, I'll be the one who ends up consoling people, and fixing broken friendships. I personally would like to put off having to do that for as long as possible.