He'd reached this conclusion earlier that afternoon. After all, what else was shagging his best friend but premature senility, otherwise known as insanity?
---
"Whoa, Sirius. Slow down. He said what, exactly?"
"He said." Sirius blinked. The only time he really appeared anywhere near stupid was when he was pissed, and he was on his way to getting there at the moment. Remus could almost see the thoughts gathering, rearranging, and forming themselves into sentences behind Sirius' forehead. "What he said was that his parents had told him that he had to stop living with a man in, and I quote, 'God knows what kind of lifestyle,' or they would disown and excommunicate him. And they can do it, too." He nodded sagely, or as much so as he could at that particular moment. "Have you met his parents? Fierce buggers, the both of them."
Remus nodded, frowning. "Yeah, I've met them. As you've met Melody's parents, remember? We had that whole big stupid picnic thing a few months ago?" Sirius nodded. "I didn't think they were that unbending though. Or that they would take so long to catch on that you two weren't just flatmates." He paused. "Actually, how did they find out?"
Sirius shrugged, waving his drink around carefully in a gesture of confusion. "Haven't any idea. Does it really matter, though?"
Remus shrugged, and moved to sit next to Sirius on the floor of his kitchen. "No, not really. What are you going to do?"
Sirius shrugged as well, having another drink. "At the moment? Consume too much beer. Tomorrow? It remains to be seen, but not by me. I don't want to know... " He sighed, and leaned his head against Remus' shoulder, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Eh. What am I going to do? I'm not really sure if I love him or not, but I do really like him. Would be a shame to lose the ... year and a half, right? Yeah. Year and a half. Over a stupid thing like fucking religion."
Remus smiled, patting his friend on the back. "Yeah. Damn Witnesses, right?"
"Yeah. Damn them." Sirius sighed, turning his head to look up at Remus. "Why are people so stupid? Not oh-no-I-forgot-my-Charms-homework-stupid but no-I-most-definitely-won't-talk- to-my-son-because-he's-being-him stupid?"
Remus turned his head and blinked at Sirius, eyebrows raised. "You're asking me why people are so stupid and prejudiced?"
Sirius blinked as well, shrugging when he realized what he'd just asked. "Oh. Good point." He sighed. "Do you think anyone really does know?"
"Hmm." Remus had to give this a bit of thought, and while he did, Sirius got closer to him. Not entirely unwanted contact, but still... Perhaps not the best idea, considering he and John may not actually be broken up, along with the fact that if this ever happened, he didn't want to be the sober one, with Sirius pissed.
Easy enough solution to that: drink more.
Thus resolved, he shrugged. "I don't know, to be honest. God, if any Muggles are right. Otherwise, I haven't the faintest idea."
His friend winced, and Remus had to catch him before he fell backwards. "Oh, fuck. That's the least encouraging news I've heard in..." He counted up. "A few hours, at least." He shook his head, disentangling himself so he could get up for more beer.
After a few minutes, he came back and sat down again, giving a full bottle to Remus, who put it to one side, as he wasn't quite finished yet. Well, now he was.
"Remus?"
"Hmm?"
"You're so lucky."
Remus blinked, and turned to Sirius, confused. "How so, exactly?"
"Well, Melody's parents, first, know you're a wizard, right?"
Remus nodded.
Sirius snorted. "John's parents? They think I'm a Muggle. They think I'm Sirius Black, Muggle reporter, innocent flatmate of John's." Remus was the one to snort this time, and Sirius smiled. "Okay, maybe not too innocent. And definitely not just flatmate anymore. It's ... you don't have the idiotic secrecy deal. So much easier than pretending. I mean ... you have to drink this shit." Sirius waved the bottle around. "Good for getting you drunk, when you don't want to waste good anything. Isn't good for much else, though."
Remus laughed at that. He actually didn't mind the taste - it was new, and vaguely nice - but it wasn't quite quality, really. Not like firewhiskey, or something. "All right, I suppose I'll concede that point."
Sirius nodded sagely, and fell into Remus' lap. He'd had a few beers before Remus had gotten there, and now they were definitely showing. He had a point, though - good for getting you drunk. "You better. You just better."
Remus looked down, grinning. "Oh, no worries, dear Padfoot. I never had a chance."
"You know it." Sirius grinned back, but it was gone in a few seconds. Remus had exactly two seconds to wonder what was wrong before he was being kissed by the one person he'd wanted to kiss for about three years. He sank into it for a few seconds - Sirius kissed about a thousand times better than Remus thought - but then realized that even though they could probably both qualify as pissed, this wasn't such a good idea, and pulled away.
"Sirius... " Oh, damn. He was being confusedly pouted at. He'd seen this look used before, usually on unsuspecting people, and was well aware of its effects. So hard to say no to, or really to say anything bad to. "What if ... what if John finds out? He'll kill you, then me, and then what will we do?"
Sirius shrugged, and raised his eyebrows. "John may never come back, remember? And even if he does, he'll never hear about this. Ever. Really. I swear."
"Still ... it's a bad idea ..."
"Is it? Is it really?" Sirius got a nod, and snorted. "If it's such a bad idea, why did you kiss me back?"
"Because. Because. Because." He couldn't seem to get anything out past that one word, that one stupid word. "Because. Because ... I had a crush on you in school, and I think I sti--"
Sirius cut him off there, kissing him again, and this time, Remus just couldn't push him away. Even when the kissing led to touching and groping, he just couldn't push him away, and after a while - exactly 2.73 minutes - he didn't want to.
---
Adding to the instability of the entire situation was the small but unavoidable fact that he and Sirius were both otherwise involved. That is, if John and Sirius had gotten back together. He hoped they had, even though a little voice was telling him that if they hadn't, he'd have the perfect opportunity.
Opportunity for what?
He didn't have an answer for that, and moved on.
Yes, that was the only conclusion to be found. The only conclusion that he cared to admit, anyhow. Not, of course, that there was any other conclusion. Especially one that involved a certain werewolf who shall, for the moment, remain nameless, not to mention brainless, a certain Animagus, who shall likewise remain nameless and brainless, and a crush that the abovementioned werewolf was fairly sure went both ways.
---
"No." Sirius shook his head, frowning.
Lily laughed. "Oh, come on, Sirius, just kiss him." She raised her eyebrows, and the 'him' in question did likewise. Remus didn't know how Lily had thought this one up, but it was sure to be fun. He just couldn't let on that he was enjoying it. At all. "This is Truth or Dare, Sirius. You don't want to have to tell some horrible thing to us about your family, do you?"
"No. I won't do it. It's a stupid game, Lily, a third year game. No offense, but I'm a fucking seventh year, it's a stupid idea, and I refuse." He stormed off, glowering to himself.
Remus frowned, but wiped it off his face before anyone could see. Sirius had kissed him before - admittedly, he had been most of the way if not completely pissed - so why was he having such a problem now? Unless...
No. That Sirius had a crush on him, now of all times, was completely, utterly, and totally impossible.
Completely, utterly, and totally.
But what if it wasn't?
---
No. That conclusion wasn't possible.
Wait. Nearly eight? He was supposed to be in at ... no. That was tomorrow, and a great relief. He didn't want to host like this. He was too ... what was the word? Overwrought? No, he didn't think that was exactly it, but it would do for the moment. Tomorrow, and for today all he had to do was look at Melody with a straight face. Ha.
---
Hosting, he thought idly to himself as he hunted for the last bits of his uniform the next day, wasn't a bad job, really. And, all things considered, he was better off than the waitstaff.
Remus shuddered, and laughed at himself softly. Still, he was right. He didn't have to handle any food, nor did he have to take orders and therefore deal with irritable customers. All he had to worry about - all right, there was his nametag, where was his shirt? Ah, there. The most sensible place for a workshirt to be, of course. Who didn't leave their shirts up on the bookshelf? Nobody Remus knew, that was for damn sure.
A quick look at his watch, and he sighed with relief. He had nearly three quarters of an hour left, plenty of time to get to the Drum from his flat.
---
He was a good ten minutes early when he arrived. A nod to Jackie, the bartender for the day - come five o'clock, Will would be in to relieve her; she wasn't quite good enough to handle any night yet - and a smile to Max, the other host at the stand.
He smiled back. "Hey, Remus. Early today. Avoiding something?"
"No, of course not." Remus refused to blush. He didn't blush. He didn't, and that was that.
A quick look at the board told him all he needed to know, if he hadn't been able to tell from the lack of noise. No two ways about it - they were dead. Scarily so, in fact. He said as much, and Max snorted.
"No shit, Sherlock. Easter was yesterday - everyone's in with their families, being good Catholics, and all that."
Remus barely restrained himself from asking what a Catholic was, and why they deserved such a sarcastic tone of voice from Max. He should know, he supposed; what good was playing at being a Muggle if he couldn't pick up on half of the allusions?
He waited a few minutes, then went into the kitchen and punched in. Four o'clock ... on a Monday night. Well, he supposed, Monday nights weren't particularly lively anyway. He was probably looking at six or seven hours of rarely-punctuated boredom. At least he'd get an early start on his sidework.
---
He got cut at eleven, after the predicted uneventful evening. However, now he was thinking about what exactly he should do. He'd been doing fairly well avoiding the Issue and would've rather liked to avoid it further, but it had been nearly a week and he still couldn't look at Melody without blushing, and she was going to notice soon. If she hadn't already.
So.
Well, he had to tell her. No way around it. Still, she was fairly levelheaded. She'd take it pretty well.
With that decision taken care of, he began figuring out just exactly what he would say. If he said it wrongly this could very well end horribly.
---
A vase - one that Melody had actually rather liked, Remus thought absently - crashed not half a meter away from his head. He'd never thought a time would come when he'd be grateful for her abysmal aim, but apparently he'd been wrong.
On a few counts, as it happened.
"Bastard!" Melody made a face at him, hunting around for a heavier throwable object. "You complete, utter, bastard! Is this why you wouldn't sleep with me?"
Remus blinked. That was rather abrupt. "Is what, dear?"
"This!" She made wild gesturing motions into the air; apparently, something was getting lost in the translation. "Your whole ... new preference thing. Is that it?"
"No! All right, first off, you're the one who informed me one day, quite matter- of-factly, that I had such preferences in the first place!"
He ducked. This time her aim was spot on, just a bit too high. Poor book.
"Secondly, I did not plan for this to happen. When I started going out with you, I most certainly did not think to myself, 'Well, I would shag her, but I've designs on my best friend, so I'd best hold back,' I'll tell you that much."
Damn. They weren't overly aerodynamic, but books were, indeed, weighty, and in Melody's mind therefore acceptable throwing objects. That'd been a leather-bound one; if he hadn't moved Remus would've been seriously pained. Melody, however, probably would've rejoiced. Loudly.
"And thirdly!" He was yelling now; she'd gone off to another room, presumably hunting for another vase, having abandoned the books. "I've told you my reasons time and time again! If your parents ever found out, they would kill me, then you, then Sirius and John for good measure! You said you agreed with me, for Merlin's sake!"
Well. That one hit him squarely in the chest. Still, at least it hadn't broken until it hit the floor, in doing so breaking about three laws of probability. He wasn't complaining, though.
"Melody? Melody, are you ignoring me?"
"Yes!" she screamed at him from the next room. Doing so negated the whole ignoring issue, but it was good to have an answer, either way. He heard a bookcase creaking, and decided that now was as good a time as any to leave. In fact, it was probably a great time to leave.
"Accio trunk!" It obliged, zooming out quickly. That was all his stuff, really; at any rate, everything he'd lament being rid of, except his books. He didn't want to leave them with Melody - she'd probably burn them up or do something equally spiteful - but he hadn't any way to carry them.
Was he to leave his books to danger and almost certain death?
He thought hard, trying to remember a protective charm he'd memorized in - Ah! There it was! Words said, he left the eerily now-quiet flat. Perhaps Melody had tired herself from her earlier exertions.
Going over that in his mind once more, Remus decided that was really rather over- optimistic. Still, there wasn't anything left to which she could do damage any longer, unless she'd been vandalizing his books while he struggled.
Well. That was a disturbing thought, so Remus abandoned it.
---
He woke up the next day with a bizarre sense of being out of place. It felt like he was in an inn, or something to that effect, when he knew that he was in Melody's flat. Except... the sun wasn't on him like it normally was, and it felt as if the bed was smaller and emptier. Upon opening his eyes, he realized that his first idea was, in fact, correct. But why was he ...
The night before came rushing back in a flood of images and screams, and Remus groaned. This was not good. He hadn't anywhere to live, now. Still, at least he still had his job, of that he could be certain. He'd have it till the summer, at least, and probably longer; he'd never given his managers a reason to dislike him, and didn't plan on it.
So.
Now he needed to find a flat somewhere, and quickly. Melody was smart, and if she was still mad - more than likely - she'd be trying to get through the charm at that very moment.
Hmm.
Didn't Sirius know a landlord somewhere, at a block of apartments? Remus thought he did, but couldn't remember. A reason to go pay him a visit, Remus supposed.
---
"Hey, Remus. How are you?" Sirius smiled at him from the doorway.
"Hey, yourself. I am, I think. I am." He shrugged. "Actually, what I am is wondering something."
"Really." Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Well, such wonderings are usually expressed better inside the target of said wondering's house. C'mon in, you look lost and lonely." He stepped back, letting Remus through.
"Ha. Very funny. Thanks. Um. I remember a few weeks ago you said you knew someone who sublet flats somewhere, right?"
"Mmhmm. Friend of John's, actually."
"Oh." He bit back the question he suddenly felt he had to ask, remembering that he'd come for a reason; he should take care of that before asking stuff like that. "You wouldn't happen to know where those flats are, would you?"
Sirius raised his eyebrows again. "I would indeed." He turned, shuffling papers on the table nearby. "Melody break up with you?"
He shifted his weight awkwardly. "Yeah, pretty much. One party calling the other various names and then throwing various previously nonaerodynamic objects at said other party constitutes breaking up, right?"
Sirius winced, from what Remus could see of his face. "Yeah. Sorry, Moony. I know you liked her."
He shrugged, smiling to make light of it. "No worries, Padfoot. Other fish in the sea, right?"
"Exactly." He shuffled a bit more, and held up a slip of paper triumphantly. "A-ha! Here it is!" Sirius handed the paper over. Remus glanced at it before smiling up at Sirius again.
"Thanks, Padfoot. Speaking of John," and oh did Remus hope this sounded offhanded and breezy, "did he resolve his conflict of conscience, one way or the other?"
Sirius grinned. "He did, he did. I think what he said was something to the effect of 'Fuck my parents, I'm happy and I'm going to stay happy.' Not in so many words, though."
"Oh." Remus smiled, willing it to look natural, and just barely kept himself from telling Sirius that he doubted John'd be so happy if he ever found out what had happened that night. They'd managed to avoid the topic entirely so far; he didn't want to change that at all. "Congratulations, Sirius. You two are a great couple."
"Thanks, Remus." He smiled again, and cocked his head. "You okay? You look paler than usual."
Remus nodded, and forced another smile. "No, no, I'm fine. Forgot to have breakfast, I think."
Sirius narrowed his eyes. "You did, did you? Don't forget to eat lunch, or you'll faint somewhere."
Lunch? What time was it? He glanced at his watch and saw that it was a quarter of twelve, and he had to be at the Drum in half an hour. "Merlin, look at the time. Thanks, Sirius, but I've got to go. Haven't even changed into my uniform. See you!"
"See you!"
---
"What's wrong?"
Remus blinked. Max had looked at him for three seconds, not a bit more. "What do you mean, what's wrong? Nothing's wrong."
"I hope you don't aspire to a career in show business, Remus; you're a terrible liar. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, as I said."
"Fine, repress. Um... Oh, and Bren's in a horrible mood, so don't say anything off to him or he may well fire you. He'll regret it tomorrow, of course, but you'd be fired all the same."
Remus nodded, noting that. Not that he ever really said anything to Bren anyhow, but it was good to know. The last thing he needed at the moment - well, one of the last things; he could think of worse ones - was to lose his job.
---
After about a week, Remus got hold of Ethan, the landlord, and was quickly rented a flat. He moved in a day later, and was given a housewarming party by Sirius that night. It was, indeed, a small housewarming party - attended by James, Peter, Lily, and Sirius - but nice anyway.
The party lasted a few hours, until only Sirius was left. He turned his head slightly to the side and looked carefully at Remus, who was rather unsettled. "Remus, are you okay?"
"Yes, Sirius, why wouldn't I be?"
Sirius shrugged. "Well, your girlfriend of nearly a year - the longest relationship you've had to date - has broken up with you and kicked you out. That's grounds for depression for most residents of our lovely planet. Aren't you even slightly depressed?"
Remus thought. He wasn't, actually. At least, not for any reason Sirius had put forth, and he wasn't about to mention the one that was bothering him at the moment. It would be an awkward moment, which would breed more awkward moments, and so on, and so forth. Generally not a good thing to start, so. "No, not really. I'm resilient, I suppose."
Sirius shrugged. "I suppose you are." He looked around for the fifteenth time that evening. "You've got a nice flat, have I mentioned that?"
"Yes, you have. Fourteen times, in fact. But thank you."
"I thought I had." He smiled. "Well, I suppose I should go. Got work in the morning, and all that. Night!"
---
An owl pecked at his hand.
It took Remus a moment to figure out exactly why an owl would be pecking at his hand. He was, after all, poling a boat across the Atlantic with his father in the back, lamenting the fact that his son had turned out to be a host at a chain restaurant, of all things. The way he told it, that occupation was right down there with prostitution.
It pecked a few more times, and then Remus realized that he was, indeed, half-asleep, and that the boat was a dream he'd been having. An odd one, of course, but a dream nonetheless.
It pecked once more, quite hard this time, and Remus groaned. Time to wake up, he supposed. Stroking the owl's head to calm it down, he blinked and took the letter from its talons, yawning. It looked like it was from Sirius, so he made himself wake up. It had to be fairly important if he'd decided to write it down instead of Apparating over to his doorstep and telling him in person.
Upon opening, it seemed Sirius wanted to tell him something important, as Remus had guessed, but was having a hard time getting around to it. He'd filled up a fair bit of space with things that were really quite random, until he got to a paragraph that he thought was trying to imply that Sirius was in fact quite sorry about Melody breaking up with Remus, that they'd made a good couple, and that he was sorry that he was partly to blame but wasn't sorry for what happened, and also that he was again sorry, but he really didn't love Remus like that enough to leave John - and Remus thought that there might've been something that, in a former or perhaps later life, had been or might indeed be a 'yet,' but he wasn't sure - who was safe and for whom he knew he really did care about. And then another apology.
He read it again.
And again.
---
After reading it enough times that he could've recited it from memory had he so wished, he'd decided that that was indeed what Sirius had meant. Still, there was that implication, however disguised it might be, of things that might yet be. It was reassuring, if nothing else.
Besides, Remus knew how John's parents were. They'd bully him into leaving Sirius, if not now then sometime in the not-so-distant future, and then Sirius would be single.
And then?
Remus cleared his mind of it. It was not for him to know, and even if it was, he wasn't so sure he wanted to. There were some things he just wanted to find out for himself.
---
fin
---
Note: Thanks and loff to Bow for the wonderful beta. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times. And then a thousand more for good measure.