Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They ARE mine! ALL MINE! MWHAHAHA... Don't sue JK – I'm only joking! They're yours, not that you appreciate it! How could you do that?? You know what I'm talking about lady!
Warnings: I *think* it contains bloodplay, although I'm not too sure what that is exactly!! There *is* blood in this fic, but there's not much playing... hmmmm...
Dedications: I would like to dedicate this to Kathrine, who so very kindly beta'ed the fic for me!!
Feedback: YES PLEASE! Feedback is my middle name! smugface@yahoo.com

 

*

He's doing it again. Doesn't Sirius realise what he does to me? I want to close my eyes... I want to block out what he's saying, but that makes it even worse. When I close my eyes, I can see it... I can see what the wolf wants... what I want. So I keep them open, smiling pleasantly as I always do.

"You *know* I love it when we make love Remmy," he says, his warm breath humming against my ear. He's trying to reassure me - let me know that he loves my shy, passive ways... loves the way I submit to him, letting him take the lead. I *have* to submit. It helps me to keep it under control. "...Love it when I make you come." It took so long for me to learn how to control it and it's a constant struggle, one that gets harder every day, and it especially doesn't help when he does this to me.

"Love it too," I say with a chortle. Sirius continues in the assault of my ear, hoping to awake some kind of emotions from deep within me. He *knows* what lies deep within me. He should know better.

There's something on his mind. We've been here before.

"But..." There's always that ‘but.' I watch him pull away so that he can examine my expression. "Sometimes Remmy, I just..." He struggles to find the right words, not wanting to hurt my feelings, or make me feel pressured. "I want to... I want to make you..." He bites his lip, glancing down for a moment before returning his eyes to me. "I can see that you're holding back. I don't want you to hold back, Moony."

"Siri-" He cut's me off.

"What are you scared off?" A very good question Sirius. I'd say that it is most likely the nightmares - nightmares or fantasies - I haven't decided what they are yet. And after they've happened, I try to forget about them... but sometimes the images are too strong. I can feel them building up in my mind. They're here... lurking... waiting for me to unleash them and make them into a reality.

"Nothing Siri." Please leave it, love.

He doesn't.

"Love, I thought you could tell me anything." He strokes my face, sliding his thumb across my lips, teasing them until they part and allow him entrance.

"Siri, please," I moan, as I nibbled on his thumb softly.

"Moony, what are you scared of?" he repeats in a low, seductive growl. The wolf is starting to stir now. I have to tell him.

"I'm... I'm scared..." I don't want him to know, but he *needs* to know. I need him to understand. "I'm scared I'm going to lose control." There. I've said it. Now he'll understand and he'll leave it.

He doesn't leave it. His mouth returns to my ear.

"But Moony, don't you understand? I *want* you to lose control..." he breathes hoarsely. "Please... Please lose control Moony. I want to hear you scream."

It's too much. I close my eyes and the floodgate opens. I feel an insane grin spread across my face as I lose the battle. I can see it all now... blood... Sirius' blood. And I can feel him coming... Sirius had gone too far... I can't hold him back... He's coming now.

"Merlin Sirius," I groan, my head tilling backwards as I feel the wolf begin to take over. "What have you done?" I'm trembling. He must be able to see this because he grabs me.

"Remus..." he says warily, pulling my head back down to meet him. But it's not *my* head anymore. I feel my eyes flicker for a moment, then open and I can see the shock in his face. Remus' gentle, kind eyes have gone and instead he is looking into the eyes of the beast... the beast that wants to devour him in every sense of the word.

Before anything else can be said, I find Sirius pinned underneath me. I'm holding him down, gripping his wrists with such an intensity that I feel my nails pierce the skin.

"Do you know how badly he fought for you?" I hear myself asking him, knowing that he will not answer, at least if he has any sense he wouldn't. "He wanted to protect you... protect you from me."

So many smells... excitement... lust... fear... concern... blood... small trickles of blood are oozing from the little cuts on his wrist and I love it... have to taste it... I'm pulling his arm towards me and before I know it, I'm rubbing his wrist in my face, breathing in my mate's scent, covering my mouth... my face in the sticky red substance. I must look horrifying.

"Is this what you wanted?" I snarl. "This is what I wanted... to hurt you... I want to make *you* scream."

My hand are in his hair, yanking his handsome head roughly to mine, and I'm kissing him - no, I'm eating him almost. Our teeth clash. I feel his soft lips tearing with my bites, more of his precious fluid spilling from his body and into my mouth.

I want more. I'm quite literally ripping off his clothes. I want to rip *him.* And I am. I'm dragging my nails over his throat, his chest and those pretty nipples, his thighs, his erection.

He whimpers.

"Not good enough my love," I hiss. "I want more."

He's bleeding everywhere and my tongue is everywhere, following the pattern, lapping at his wounds, delighting in it gorgeous tangy flavour. Is he enjoying this? I don't know, and I don't care anymore.

I'm naked now, too. I'm rubbing myself on him, trying to coat myself. I Love his blood... love it.

I don't concern myself with preparing him, or me. I don't want to be tender... I want to tear him apart.

I enter him. He screams. And I rejoice.

"Do you like this?" I asked in a voice no longer recognisable as I drive into him, delighting in the friction of his unlubricated passage. "Is this what you wanted?" I pound him harder, grasping his blooded cock and pumping it roughly. "Do you like it when I lose control?" I'm getting close. "Do you like this?"

"Yes," he cries.

Sirius' answer drives me - and him - over the edge and I collapse in a red sea of nothingness.

*

Despite my post-climatic state I manage to find, or rather stumble, my way to the bathroom. I'm covered in his blood... I can feel it on my skin... taste it in my mouth... that is until I vomit into the toilet.

Sirius has followed me.

He kisses my forehead, assuring me that he loves me... that he loved it. He says that he loves everything about me, including the wolf's desires. But he winces as he speaks. The wolf- I've hurt him... badly. I know I went too far. He should never forgive me. I know I'll never forgive myself. I worked so hard to develop this self discipline. I did it because I love him. I did it to protect my mate. Funny, the one person I desire more than anything to save from myself, is the one person who I can't.

End