Black Magic Woman
Author: bucketofribs
Rating: NC-17 for crazy hetslash. (See below.)
Challenge: Sirius comes back as a woman.
Summary: House elf magic is powerful.
Disclaimer: None of this is mine. And that is sad.
Notes: God help me, but I couldn't say no to the title.
Black Magic Woman
When he fell, it was graceful.
Sirius watched the veil fluttering around him, heard Bellatrix's triumphant shriek, felt the fabric brush his arms, and then he was falling, still without really realizing entirely what had happened. He watched as Harry, Remus, the world beyond the veil grew smaller and dimmer, as if he were traveling through a tunnel. He heard Harry's shout, and then everything faded into the distance.
When he landed, it was anything but graceful. He landed with a hard thud on his back, knocking the breath out of him. Except
Except, he realized, "breath" didn't really figure into the equation anymore.
He sat on the floorfloor? He assumed there was a floor, as he wasn't falling through empty spaceand thought about what that meant.
~~~
Time passes differently depending on where you are. For instance, three days in London feels decidedly shorter than three days in, say, an igloo at the North Pole. And while this might not be scientific fact, it gives you as good an idea as any about the difference in time between this world and the others.
In this world, Sirius Black's passing had been more than a month ago, although "passing" wasn't really the right term when everyone gave it some thought. The funeral, such as it was, had been a very small affair with words said and tears shed.
And in a cruel twist of fate, the world kept right on turning.
Gradually, everyone began to think that maybe, just maybe, they would be all right after all. The first time Harry cracked a joke, maybe everyone laughed a little too loudly and a little too enthusiastically, but it was a start. Ron and Hermione returned to bickering. The Order returned to businessand now, with Voldemort's return and the prophecy and all, they had quite a bit of business to which to returnand life went on.
For almost everyone.
Remus Lupin sat in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place that night, just before midnight, hating the way the house felt so silent and stale and cold, and thought that he would most definitely not be all right.
The first night he'd had to spend alone in their bed, he'd ended up lying there for a minute before getting up and going to sleep on the couch in the library. He tried to tell himself it was insomnia, that he'd never found that bed comfortable. Because if he told himself that, he wouldn't have to deal with the reality, that the bedding still smelled like Sirius, and Sirius' pillow was the way he'd left it that morning, and Sirius' clothes were still strewn across the floor.
Lupin thought if he spent more than a few seconds thinking about anything related to Sirius, he'd come unglued and there would be nothing anyone could do to stop it. Thinking that Sirius would never again pester him while he was trying to read, or tell him a joke at dinner to see if he could make tea come out of Lupin's nose, or put his head on Lupin's shoulder as they were going to sleep, well, those were thoughts he put out of his head as soon as they arrived.
The one time he'd lost control, it had been over the chessboard in the living room. He and Sirius had had a game going for well over a week, and each time after Sirius' death that Lupin glanced at it, he thought that maybe, just maybe, Sirius might return to finish that game. When one of the house elves that came regularly to clean (some distant relative of Dobby, someone had said once, who also enjoyed freedom but worked for a living just the same) and had put the board away, Lupin had damn near wanted to rip the elf's ears off.
Of course, that evening, Lupin had also offered it a most sincere, teary apology, but that was neither here nor there. He simply couldn't think on any of that without losing it. And that was almost as bad as losing the actual Sirius. Losing the memory of Sirius because it was the only thing he could do to stay sane.
~~~
While the four and a half weeks had passed in the Wizarding World, probably the better part of ten minutes had passed in the Not-Quite-Other-Side. Sirius sat on the floor and waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. What he saw, he thought, was most unremarkable.
There was indeed a floor, marble from the cool, smooth feel of it, and there also appeared to be walls and a ceiling, though if he focused on them for too long, they seemed to drift back into the darkness.
"Boy, has everyone got it wrong," Sirius murmured aloud and wasn't surprised to hear his voice echo. He sighed. "What I wouldn't give for a cup of tea right now," he said to himself.
With a little *pop*, a cup and saucer appeared, hovering in front of him.
Sirius' eyebrows knitted together. "What I wouldn't give for my wand and a way back home."
Nothing.
"That's what I figured," he said dejectedly.
So he sat and sipped his tea for a bit and thought about how his tailbone really ached. After half a cup of tea, he looked around once more. "Er, am I supposed to be doing something?" he asked.
It was then that the door appeared.
~~~
The purpose of the veil is a topic that is still hotly debated in the Wizarding World today. No one knows precisely how it came into existence, and certainly nobody knows why. At first, it was thought that perhaps the veil was a way for a second chance, for a witch or wizard to be able to return to this side if he or she was not quite ready to leave yet. But it was soon discovered that, once through, people simply didn't just wander back out, and the "why" was debated further. Why bother existing at all if, once an individual goes through, there is no hope of ever returning? In the beginning, the Ministry of Magic lost several quality employees that way before realizing that perhaps they ought not to keep sending them in after one another.
It was about that time, however, that the Wizarding World was introduced to a larger, more widespread Concern-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and the veil was altogether forgotten, settled securely in the Department of Mysteries and firmly classified as "Unfigureoutable".
After Voldemort disappeared, the Ministry decided to investigate the veil further and discovered something in a very large and very old book of spells which no one bothered using any more as most of them were outdated to begin with.
There is a spell.
The spell's origins are unknown, as most all of the records regarding it were lost or destroyed. Unbeknownst to anyone still living, the Ministry's book was only one of two remaining copies, though they, like most political bodies, made the silly, arrogant mistake of assuming that they had the only remaining copy, as no one else had brought it up in the hundreds of years that they had been in possession of the veil.
However, the spell to bring back one who has crossed into the Not-Quite-Other-Side is complicated to say the least. You need an incredible amount of talent, luck, and timing, not to mention magical ability that is, at the very least, above average.
And there is a slight problem with this spell. No matter how hard you try, no matter how careful you are, how lucky you are, how bright you are, or how talented you are, there's always a catch.
The spell does not quite return the being who has crossed over to his or her exact form prior to passing through the veil. The most successful effort the Ministry made in bringing someone back resulted in the return of a Ministry witch in the form of a fairly irritated pocket watch, cover snapping crossly (but very punctually). After that, the Ministry decided that, until it managed to perfect the spell, figure out the purpose of the veil, or both, it would quit messing about with either and embark on what everyone merely called The Project with the Brains.
The veil was forgotten and, as only Ministry employees had ever come into contact with it, assumed to be rather unimportant compared with other matters.
~~~
Sirius stared at the door that now faced him. "Door, eh?" he asked aloud. "Little cliché, don't you think?"
He started forward and actually got his hand on the doorknob before something that had been tickling the back of his mind finally took shape.
He remembered.
The Not-Quite-Other-Side has some interesting phenomena within it. First, there's the passage of time. And second, there's the issue with memory.
When someone dies, there's always that moment right before, or right after, where he or she has time to think, but I'm not ready!. But by the time this thought has formed, the individual is already on the Other Side which is infinitely better than here. And while there are a few who want to go back, they quickly realize that, though their loved ones are still here, sooner or later they'll see them again, and meanwhile, oughtn't they stay here and enjoy the Afterlife?
The Not-Quite-Other-Side doesn't have the luxury of being attractive. Other than tea on demand, there's not much there. Which is why the few people (and the one animal the Ministry sent in on a whim) that arrive there don't remember their previous lives. It's a case of temporary amnesia meant to make the transition to the Other Side easy and painless. Imagine being stuck in the Not-Quite-Other-Side and being able to remember everything you're leaving behind. Would you want to go through that door? It took more than you can imagine for an ordinary individual to even remember a snippet of his life.
But Sirius had never been ordinary.
~~~
The two little house elves were crouched over an enormous dusty book in the attic of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, speaking in hushed tones.
"How is you even planning to do this, Hibby?" the more timid of the two asked her companion. "You isn't knowing any spells!"
Hibby, the more determined one, didn't look up from the old spell book, but continued flipping frantically. Restlessly, one hand played with the corner of the child-sized Chudley Cannons t-shirt he was wearing while the other hand turned page after page. "Ha!" Hibby finally exclaimed triumphantly. "I is knowing this is up here! I is reading it yesterday while Professor Lupin was " He trailed off, not wanting to bring up the fact that while he was reading, Lupin was screaming at Sadie.
Sadie blinked and fretted with the tattered ribbon about one ear as she peered over Hibby's shoulder and scanned the spell. "You is needing a wand," she pointed out. With a grin, Hibby reached underneath his shirt and produced exactly that.
Sadie looked scandalized. "Where did you get that?!"
For the first time, Hibby looked a little uncomfortable. "From Professor Snape."
"You is stealing Professor Snape's wand?" Sadie squeaked. "You is going to get us killed!"
Hibby rolled his eyes. "I isn't stealing it. I is borrowing it. He isn't missing it right now anyway."
Snape had gone on some nebulous mission for the Order a few days earlier and had come back looking ragged and sounding worse than he looked. In the midst of his report to Dumbledore, he'd apparently fainted and, for once, didn't argue when he was taken straight to the Infirmary and given a very potent sleeping draught.
Sadie shuddered. "I isn't wanting to borrow anything from Professor Snape."
Hibby just gave her another roll of his eyes and held out his hand. "Is you bringing them?" he asked her. She took a deep breath and sighed, clearly torn. She did have the items that Hibby had told her to get in her hand. A strand of Sirius' hairshe had found that inside Sirius' old pillowcase, a few rarer ingredients that she'd managed to pick up here and there, and something that Sirius had touched: the white queen from the chessboard. But now that they were here and about to do this
Hibby leaned closer to her. "Sadie," he began in a cajoling tone. "You is wanting Professor Lupin to be happy, right?" The elves had never been able to drop the title of "Professor" with regard to Lupin, no matter how many times he'd asked them to.
Sadie nodded with a confused and torn frown. Hibby went on. "And isn't bringing back Sirius Black the thing that is going to be making him happiest?"
Sadie nodded again.
"Then how is we doing wrong!?"
With reluctance, Sadie held out her open palm and handed Hibby the ingredients.
As it's been said before, the spell to bring back one from the Not-Quite-Other-Side is fraught with complications, and to even bring an individual back in any form requires skill, power, and luck. In addition to the spell-casting itself, there is one more caveat: the person on the Not-Quite-Other-Side must want to return, and as the individual in that particular arena is supposed to remember nothing of his or her life, the chances of the spell working at all are slim to none.
As it was, house elf magic is powerful magic, and the two little elves in the attic just happened to have luck on their side.
~~~
Sirius stared at the door and remembered almost all of it in brief flashes and snippets.
But the one thing he remembered clearly, the one thing that didn't have a single detail left out, wasn't a thing at all, but a person.
"Remus," he whispered, staring at his hand on the doorknob with horror. He jerked it back and whirled around. "No. No, not yet. I'm not ready yet."
He waited for a sign that someone (something?) had heard him.
"D'you hear me? Not yet! Send me back!"
There was still nothing, and now Black got angry. "Dammit, no! No! I'm not leaving Remus! He hasn't got anything left, d'you understand? And neither do I! And Harry, and SEND ME BACK RIGHT NOW!"
There was suddenly a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, almost but not quite like traveling by Portkey. It felt as if he were coming apart at the cells. He tried to take a breath (to hold his breath? To scream?) but even if he'd still had the ability to breathe, he couldn't have. Then his hearing went dull, his vision, everything, and the last thing he had time to think before he disappeared from the Not-Quite-Other-Side altogether was that, for the afterlife, the tea really had been rather marginal.
~~~
Hibby and Sadie stared wide-eyed at the shimmering space in the attic and cowered down behind one of the large trunks.
"Hibby," Sadie squeaked, and the other elf grabbed on to her arm.
The air shimmered, then darkened, and suddenly, floating in midair in the attic, was a tattered piece of black cloth. Seconds later, a figure tumbled through it, landing just as gracelessly here as it had when it had gone through the veil the first time.
The two elves stared.
Sirius rose from the floor slowly, rubbing his hip and gasping for breath. He supposed after all that time not breathing, his body must be trying to catch up. Glancing around, he once again waited for his vision to adjust. When it did, he could have cried.
He was in an attic. He was in his attic! Remus!
With a short, barking laugh, he stared at his surroundings, grinning like a fool and brushing himself off. He shook the attic dust out of his hair, brushed off his arms, his shoulders, his chest
And stopped suddenly.
"Hibby," Sadie whispered. "You is doing it wrong! You is bringing back the wrong one!"
But Hibby shook his head slowly. "No, I I don't think so," he replied.
Meanwhile, Sirius was frantically searching the attic for a reflective surface. With a trembling hand, he at last reached out to the sheet covering an old mirror and pulled it off.
He was staring at himself, all right. Only he looked a little different now. His hair was longer, not much, but a bit. His nose was thinner, his lips were fuller, his gray eyes a little wider apart. He stared at himself, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes to the ends of his fingers. Fingers that were now surprisingly thin on a hand that looked delicate from a wrist that had a decidedly feminine touch.
Hibby and Sadie had indeed brought Sirius Black back.
As a woman.
They glanced at each other. Hibby gulped. "We is needing to tell Headmaster Dumbledore, now!" he squeaked.
~~~
If Sirius heard the pops of two little house elves Disapparating, he paid them no attention.
"I'm a woman?" he asked his reflection. "I'm a bloody woman?!" He patted himself again, feeling the unfamiliar swells and curves and nearly hyperventilating at the absence of certain bits.
He had to get help. He had to tell someone he was back, and he had toLupin! He had to see Remus!
Dropping the sheet, he quickly crossed the attic and opened the door, taking the stairs two at a time. He reached the second floor and was frantically looking in rooms when he heard a voice behind him.
"I don't know how you got in here, but I can tell you how you're leaving."
Sirius whirled around and was face to face with Remus, who was currently aiming his wand at Sirius' head and looking very unsympathetic.
"Remus!" he exclaimed, relieved and ecstatic and too overcome with joy to do anything but grin wildly and say, "It's me!"
But Lupin narrowed his eyes. "Should I know you?"
Sirius laughed and shook his head. Of course Remus wouldn't recognize him right away, not looking like this! "It's me, Remus, really, I mean, I know I look different and I have no idea how it happened or why it happened, but I'm back!"
Lupin didn't lower his wand and didn't smile back. "Who are you?"
"It's me, Remus. It's Sirius!"
Lupin's eyes turned even colder. "I don't know how you got in here, and I don't know what in Merlin's name makes you think that that's an even remotely entertaining joke."
"I'm not joking!"
"Stop it this instant!"
"It's me!"
"STOP!" Lupin roared. "Sirius Black is dead, d'you hear me? Dead. I saw it happen! He's gone, and he's not coming back. And neither are you," he added, pulling his wand back.
Sirius was stunned. He had expected Lupin to be surprised, shocked, happy, confused any of those things he had expected. He hadn't expected that Lupin wouldn't believe him at all.
Lupin's wand was raised and Sirius took a step backward. "Moony, please!"
Suddenly, Lupin's gaze sharpened and he looked hot with rage instead of cold with fury. "Where did you hear that name?" he hissed.
"I'm telling the truth, Moony, please, it's me! I fell through the veil and I don't know how, but I'm I'm back. I know I don't look like me, but I swear to you. I swear I'm not lying."
And then Sirius saw something in Lupin's eyes. Hope. His hand shaking, Lupin lowered his wand to his side once more and stared at Sirius.
"Prove it."
So Sirius did the only thing he could think of.
He kissed him.
~~~
Albus Dumbledore was sitting at his desk that night when Snape came bursting into his office, dragging two house elves behind him.
"Severus, dear boy!" Dumbledore exclaimed happily. "So good to see you're feeling better, though I daresay it's awfully late for a visit."
Snape shoved the elves in Dumbledore's direction, and they immediately ran to one of the chairs at one side of office, cowering. "These creatures have stolen my wand, Headmaster. I demand that they be punished immediately."
Dumbledore cocked his head to one side and stared at the sleeve of Snape's robe. "I do believe, Severus, that your wand is in your possession."
Snape clenched his jaw and tried very hard not to hex anything. "That is because I managed to get it back from them. I caught them trying to steal it from my bedside in the Infirmary."
"W-we wasn't stealing it, Sir," Hibby offered timidly.
"Oh no?" Snape asked. "Then what were you doing?"
Sadie cringed but replied nonetheless. "Returning it." It was barely a whisper.
Snape's eyes darkened and he looked ready to spit fire. "What in Merlin's name have you two thieves been doing with my wand?!" he bellowed.
"We wasn't stealing anything!" Hibby tried again. "We was only borrowing it! We was bringing it back to you!"
Snape leaned down, teeth bared, to the two elves. "Well, then," he began in a voice so deadly calm it made Sadie shiver, "You'll be sure to excuse me if I borrow your heads! I'll be sure to bring them back TOMORROW!"
Dumbledore waved his hands. "Now, Severus, I am sure that they did not intend to harm anyone. Perhaps if we let them explain?"
"THEY STOLE MY WAND!" Snape shouted.
"I am not saying that they went about it the correct way, but let us hear their side of the story."
~~~
At first, Lupin was stiff against him, not moving, and then suddenly, he was lurching forward, grabbing a handful of Sirius' robes and hauling him even closer. Finally, Sirius pulled away and waited for Lupin to either hex him or hug him.
"Sirius?" Remus breathed, staring into his eyes.
Sirius nodded. "Yeah, Moony."
"But how ?"
"I don't know," Black replied with a wistful chuckle. "I have no idea. I don't know how I got back, I don't know how I got back like this, but I knew I couldn't leave you."
"You don't know," Remus began in a choked voice, his vision swimming a little, "how hard it's been."
Sirius put a hand on Remus' cheek and tilted his head to the right a little with a small smile. "You had to know I'd come back to you," Sirius said quietly. "After all, didn't I always tell you they'd kick me out?"
Remus stepped forward again and threw his arms around Sirius, holding him tightly. "You make the most terrible jokes," he murmured into Sirius' neck.
Sirius' arms came up around Lupin and he held him close. "You want to talk about terrible jokes, take a look at me!"
Lupin began to shake and for a moment, Sirius thought he was crying in earnest, but when he pulled away a bit, he saw that Lupin was laughing. Laughing pretty hard, at that.
Sirius mock-frowned. "Oh, so you think it's funny, do you?"
"That's quite a quite a p-pair, you've got there, Padfoot!" he managed to get out.
"Wouldn't you like to know," Sirius muttered, grinning just the same. "So," he said, a little awkwardly, "is everything all right? Y'know, I mean, Harry, and "
Lupin nodded, resting his head back on Sirius' shoulder again. "Harry's fine everyone's fine."
"How about you?"
Remus smiled against Sirius' robes. "I'm abso-bloody-lutely fine."
~~~
The discussion of where Sirius had been was short.
"I don't know, Moony, I really don't."
"Well, what'd it look like?"
Sirius sighed. "Not much of anything. There was a door."
Lupin snorted. "Bit cliché, isn't that?"
"That's exactly what I said."
"So that's it? Nothing else?"
"The tea was really not that good."
The discussion of what to do about Sirius' condition was even shorter.
"I'm sure there's someone who can put you back," Lupin finished carefully. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Really, Remus, I might look like a woman but I certainly don't think like one. You don't have to tiptoe around it."
"We'll go see Dumbledore in the morning. He'll know what to do."
The discussion of what to do now was the shortest of them all.
"So now what do we do?" Sirius asked quietly.
"Now," Remus said. "Now, we go upstairs."
"Even though even though I'm "
"Sirius, it doesn't matter to me what you look like," Remus replied quietly. He paused. "Although you do make quite the pretty little picture," he teased.
"Moony "
"I wonder, if you turned into Padfoot " Remus dissolved into giggles.
"Do I even want to know?"
"If I-if if you'd be " And while Sirius didn't understand everything Lupin had just said, he did manage to pick out the words "FiFi" and "French poodle".
"Are you finished?"
Snicker. "Oh, oui oui, monsieur."
"Anything else?"
"Je t'adore?"
Sirius blinked. "What does that mean?"
"It means 'I love you'. Really, Sirius, you should have studied your languages a little harder."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Wanna help me work on my French?"
"That's a terrible line."
"Sorry."
" well, I didn't say it didn't work."
~~~
"Well, you see, Headmaster, we has been working at the house of Black for awhile now," Hibby said in a trembling but determined voice. "And we is seeing how upset Professor Lupin is, and Harry Potter, and and everyone in the Order."
Snape sneered and muttered under his breath, "Oh, not everyone."
Dumbledore pretended he didn't hear that and motioned for Hibby to continue.
"I is knowing of a book in the attic, the one that used to be at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry"
Snape cut him off. "You see, Headmaster! You see?! I told you we should never have let that book off these premises!"
Hibby went on as if he hadn't been interrupted. "that has the Old Spells. And we is planning very carefully. We is gathering all the ingredients, and we is waiting for the right time "
"We didn't mean to do wrong!" Sadie cried out suddenly. "We is only trying to help!"
Dumbledore patted the little elf's arm and smiled gently. "Now, now, don't upset yourself. I am sure you had the best of intentions."
"You know what they say, don't you, about good intentions?" Severus sneered down at her. She shrank back into her chair.
"We we is knowing that Professor Snape was ill, and we is only borrowing his wand because we is knowing he isn't needing it."
Now it was Sadie's turn to mutter under her breath. "I isn't borrowing anything from Professor Snape."
Hibby took a breath and steeled himself. "We is trying to " He swallowed. "We is trying to bring back Sirius Black."
~~~
"Wait, wait," Sirius breathed, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
They were lying on the bed, mostly undressed except for an errant sleeve or a renegade sock. Lupin raised his head, surprised. "What?" he asked, thinking that, for all Sirius' arguing against it, perhaps he really had gotten a bit more female in his thinking.
Sirius ran a hand down Remus' back, experimentally dragging his nails upward, and Remus shivered a little against him. "I mean it's not too much, too soon?"
Remus rested his forehead against Sirius' and closed his eyes. "I need this, Sirius. I need to I don't know I need to feel this, to feel you, to know it's real. To know you're real."
Sirius grinned. "I'm real, all right," he replied with a smirk, snaking his hand between them to wrap his slender fingers around Remus' cock and stroking firmly a few times.
Lupin's hips jerked and he bit his lip. "Tease."
"Oh, you know you like it when I tease," Sirius replied with a grin and one last stroke.
"You've got quite a mouth on you, Padfoot. Let's see if I can't shut you up for awhile." Cautiously, Remus moved his hand down Sirius' body, pausing at his hip. "You'll you'll have to tell me what feels good."
"Mmm," was Sirius' reply. "How about if I show you?" Gently taking Remus' wrist, he moved Lupin's hand lower and pressed himself against Remus' open palm. Remus inhaled sharply.
"So wet," he murmured, lightly stroking one finger up and down a few times before slipping it easily inside. Sirius' face was unreadable and Remus kissed him softly. "Is that all right?"
"Mmm-hmm," Sirius replied, eyes closed for a moment. "That's good " Then Lupin moved his hand a bit, stroking very lightly over the little bundle of nerves with his thumb.
"Oh gods," Sirius gasped. "Now that's brilliant."
Remus grinned, still rubbing in little circles, and bent his head to whisper in Sirius' ear. "I want to make you come."
"Oh, yes, please," Sirius replied immediately, pushing his hips up against Remus' hand harder and holding Lupin's hand steady. "Just just like that."
"Tell me what you want," Remus breathed, leaning to bite gently at Sirius' neck. "Anything you want. What do you want?"
Sirius' breath hitched in his throat. "T-talk to me," he managed. "Want want to hear your voice when I come."
Remus swallowed hard and tried not to explode then and there. "You look so amazing," he said in a low voice. "Gods, Sirius, I want you, I want you to come for me. I want to make you scream. I want to slide into you so slowly, want to make you beg me for it."
Sirius was writing beneath him now as Remus thrust another finger into him, thumb still circling Sirius' clit. Mostly beyond words, Sirius could only whimper, "Yes, please."
Lupin put his lips against Sirius' mouth. "Are you close?" he asked.
Sirius choked out a sob. "Yes!"
"That's it," Remus murmured, keeping his promise to keep talking. "I want you to come for me so much, Sirius. I want to hear you scream my name when you do."
"Sosoclose," Sirius whined.
"Are you?" Remus breathed, pressing harder against Sirius' clit, fingers thrusting faster. "Are you going to come for me?"
Sirius suddenly stiffened, back arching off the bed, and his grip on Remus' wrist increased tenfold, holding Remus' hand still while he rubbed himself against Lupin. "Oh, fuck, Remus!" Sirius' voice broke on Lupin's name, and Lupin felt his cock jump at the sound.
"That's good, so good," Remus whispered gently as Sirius' hips rocked upward over and over. "So good love you so much."
At last, Sirius collapsed back on the bed, weakly raising an arm to wrap it around Remus' neck, drawing his head down for a long, unhurried kiss, tongues sliding against each other slowly until Sirius pulled away and looked Remus in the eye. "I want you inside me."
Remus barely kept it together long enough to grab his wand. Sirius looked confused. "What are ?"
Lupin raised his eyebrows and smirked. "Wouldn't want to get you pregnant now, would we?" he asked before murmuring a few words.
"Why Remus, I had no idea you knew contraceptive charms," Sirius said thoughtfully, tracing patterns on Lupin's back.
"A good member of the Order is prepared for anything," was the reply.
Sirius kissed his shoulder. "Are we going to keep talking, or are you going to fuck me now?"
Remus laughed, but the laugh quickly melted into a long, low groan as Sirius shifted a little, reaching a hand between them once more to grab Lupin's cock. With a slow, calculated roll of his hips and Sirius' hand guiding him, Remus slid into Sirius gently. "Is that all right?" he panted, watching Sirius' face carefully.
"Don't be gentle," Sirius replied, bucking his hips and taking Lupin entirely in.
"Ohhhh fuck," Remus breathed as Sirius' eyes widened and his breathing quickened.
"Feels amazing," Sirius murmured. "Tell me what it feels like to you," he whispered against Lupin's cheek.
"So tight, so wet. Gods, you're so wet, and hot. Andoh!" he cried, thrusting his hips firmly forward once, twice. "Sirius, thatfuck! You have to stop doing that."
Sirius blinked innocently. "Doing what?"
"That! Squeezing fromthat! Oh, Merlin, Sirius, really, stop, stop before I can't hang on."
"I don't want you to hang on, Remus," came the throaty response. "I want you to fuck me through this mattress and I want you to come so hard you see stars."
Bracing himself with one hand on either side of Sirius, Remus drew his hips back and thrust forward, slowly, but Sirius grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his head down. "I thought I told you," Sirius growled against Remus' lips, "that I wanted you to fuck me. Hard."
"And I thought I told you I wanted to hear you beg for it."
Sirius' eyes darkened. "Please, Remus!" he cried. "Please!"
And that was all it took before Remus was pounding into Sirius at a frantic pace, panting, hair plastered to his forehead.
"Want you to come, too," he bit out, staring down at Sirius and trying to balance himself on one hand to slip his other between Sirius' thighs. But Sirius gently pushed his hand away.
"No, let me." Sirius paused for a minute and then waited until Remus was looking at him. "Watch me," he commanded, dropping his hand between their bodies. Remus propped himself up on his hands a bit more to tip his head down, watching as Sirius teased himself, gasping as he felt, as he saw Sirius' fingers stroking his cock as he thrust, as he disappeared inside Sirius' body.
"Sirius," Remus gasped. "I can't wait much longer."
Sirius started to move his hand away to give Remus more room, but Lupin shook his head. "No, keep going. I want to watch you get yourself off."
Sirius choked out a moan and kept going, panting and all the while whispering deliciously dirty things to Remus. "Feels so good, your cock inside me, my hand on my clit, rubbing myself you like to watch, don't you? Oh gods, I want to feel you come inside me, I want to come on your cock. Almost almost " And then Sirius gasped and shook. "Oh fuck, that's it, I'moh fuck, Remus!"
Hearing Sirius' voice, Remus couldn't have held on if he'd had a wand to his head. With a hoarse cry, his hips snapped forward and then he was coming, too, cock jerking inside Sirius, and it felt so good, better than anything had any right to feel.
He collapsed on the bed next to Sirius, breathless, and for a long minute, neither of them said anything.
Then finally, Sirius cleared his throat. "Well, maybe maybe we don't have to see about y'know, about putting me right just yet."
Remus weakly turned his head to look at Sirius. "I don't see why it couldn't wait a few days."
~~~
"You used my wand," Snape began slowly, "to try and bring back that mutt?!"
"We is doing it for Professor Lupin," Sadie whispered. Snape's eyes narrowed.
"Indeed. And did Professor" he said the word as if it left a bad taste in his mouth "Lupin know of your intentions?"
"N-no, Sir."
Dumbledore, who had remained relatively quiet throughout the elves' tale, at last leaned forward. "I trust," Dumbledore said, "that your attempts, however well-intentioned and dedicated, were unsuccessful?"
Hibby beamed up at him and shook his head. "No, Sir, Headmaster, Sir! We is being successful! Sort of."
Very few people had the opportunity to see Severus Snape speechless.
He stood, his mouth working, for a minute, before finally finding his voice. "What?! Of course you couldn't have been successful, you daft little creature, that spell is impossible! Headmaster, I told you we should never have kept that blasted book at the headquarters. You you you can't have brought him back!" Snape ranted. "It's impossible!"
Sadie shook her head. "We is bringing him back for Professor Lupin, and we is doing it!" she exclaimed.
"Sort of," Hibby added again.
Dumbledore frowned. "What do you mean, 'sort of'?"
"Well, Sir, we is bringing back Sirius Black, but we is bringing him back as " Hibby's voice trailed off and his last few words were mumbled toward the floor.
"As what?" Snape asked curtly.
Hibby sighed and finally raised his eyes to look at the two wizards.
"As a woman."
To this day, Albus Dumbledore swears it is the hardest and longest he has ever heard Severus Snape laugh.