Once In a Blue Moon

Author: PA
Summary: Sirius returns - the Wizarding World is no more.  Where is
everyone?
Note: My wife beta'd for me due to the fact that my usual beta has
been out of the country.  Hope you enjoy!

--

The first thing to strike his ears was the persistent echo of the subterranean drip.  Then there was a whimper.  Something wet and cold nuzzled his cheek, too.

And that's when he knew something was wrong.

He wasn't supposed to be hearing anything.  He wasn't supposed to be feeling anything.  Now that he thought about it, he wasn't supposed to be thinking, either.  Everything was just supposed to be and not be all at once.  Senses weren't supposed to exist, let alone be useful.  Thoughts weren't necessary because he just knew.

There was the whimper and nudge again and he finally opened his eyes.  It took an agonizingly long moment for them to adjust to the soft glow that lit the room.  Honestly, though, he had a feeling it was less the lighting and more the actual seeing that he was getting used to.  Another creeping slice of time, and he rolled his eyes to the side to catch sight of whatever had awakened him.  Head low and ears drooping, the adventurer who had stumbled upon him turned out to be, as far as he could tell in the dimness, a golden retriever.  It sat with its shoulders hunched and its tail between its legs as it watched him worriedly.

"Hello, boy."  He winced at the sound of his voice as it echoed around him - quiet, broken, and raw.

Reality sunk in like a stone then, and he shot up, looking around wildly.  The cramp and spasm of neglected muscles went unnoticed in his panic, as his eyes went wide at the emptiness around him.  The Ministry.  He was in the Ministry.  There was no doubt.  It was so familiar and yet so not somehow.  Something was wrong, missing.  Where he was sitting...

Memories crashed back in a tidal wave.  They had come to save Harry.  There had been a battle.  Bellatrix...  The Veil...

The dog didn't look so frightened anymore, sitting up with its head cocked to the side and a look of confusion in its innocent, blue eyes.  It stood, stepping towards him, and butted him in the shoulder with its head, trying to get his attention.  He didn't notice, though, lost in the flood of images crashing over him.  However long he merely sat there staring around at the emptiness that should not have been emptiness, he wasn't sure, but finally he looked towards the animal just as it seemed to be getting irritated enough to give up on him.  Swallowing a lump in his throat, he tried to offer it a rather shaken smile, but barely managed to make his lip twitch as his hand came to wearily rest upon the beast's head.  A numbness was slowly starting to seep into his bones, no matter how hard he tried to fight it.

"What's going on here, boy?"  He still sounded choked, rough, but his voice seemed more willing to work now, as he addressed the dog, fully as if it could respond.  "Where's it all gone?  My enemies?  My friends?  My godson?  My...R-remus...?"

His new companion nuzzled his hands as he leaned forward with his face in them.  None of this made sense.  Everything he cared about and everything he hated, all gone.  At least if one or the other had been there something would have felt right.  But this...  This felt as if everything was dead.  He hadn't realized how strongly a wizard was truly connected to magic until he just couldn't...feel it.

"I don't understand."

---

Seeming perfectly oblivious to everything about the situation save for the fact that his new human friend was upset, the dog sat again, barking, and thumped its tail on the dais with a resounding thud.  The loudness of it, along with the following echo, made the man jump and stare at him in surprise.  Tongue lolling from a doggy grin, he stood one more time, butting his head into the stranger's shoulder persistently.  Finally, it seemed to sink into the silly human.  Hadn't he made it obvious enough?  He wanted him to move.

There was a loud grunt as the man stood, as well as a chorus of snaps and cracks which sounded rather painful.  The dog winced, whimpering softly in sympathy, and then perked up again.  With another bark, it trotted away, off the dais and up to the door, stopping to glance back and make sure it was being followed properly.  After all, he didn't quite trust this human to be smart enough to take any further hints without extra emphasis.  Happily noting the man's willingness to tag along, however, he jogged lazily down hallways, through rooms, up stairs.  Everything was rather dark, so he glanced back continually to make sure that the man was staying in his light.  A more than surprised look greeted him at one point, and he yipped in amusement.  Apparently the human hadn't realized that the glow was coming from his collar, or - more precisely - the wand tucked carefully into it.

Once they reached the alleyway and the warm afternoon air, he spun proudly to bark at the man again, but found himself face-to-face with something he had not in the least expected.  Granted he had been wondering what the man was doing wearing robes and laying down in the old Ministry, not to mention that room in particular, but he had thought perhaps, from the looks of him, he was just a homeless young Muggle who went looking for shelter and got lost.  Dogs really don't think things through too well sometimes.  With a wand pointed directly at the tip of his snout, however, he could note quite plainly that this fact had currently put him at a disadvantage and his assumptions had been sorely mistaken.  Absurdly, the first thought to follow this discovery ran along the lines of "He's not a Muggle."

"Tell me what's going on, boy, or I'll shut those pretty blue eyes of yours forever."

No.  No.  Definitely not a Muggle.

---

"What do you mean 'gone'?"

There was an aggravated sigh as the boy tiredly decided to rest his face in his hands rather than watch the raging of his new, strange, and rather exasperating companion.  "Gone.  As in not here.  As in went away.  As in please stop asking me the same questions over and over again.  You sound as if you've never heard the word before."

"But how can the entire Wizarding World be gone?  You can't just pick everything up and...!"

"Listen, sir!  I told you!  Harry Potter defeated V-Voldemort," the entire side of his face twitched, "and it put up a sort of...barrier!  Muggles can't get there without a guide and wizards can't get here without a key!"  His fingers dug into his scalp in frustration, one fist slamming down on the table in front of him.  "All the big magic's been pulled through by now, not to mention most of the little things!  From the Ministry and Mandrakes to leprechauns and lycanthropy - it's all gone!"

The man slumped back against the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor with a thud, and the boy sighed again, a hand rubbing over his face.  "This was supposed to be a simple job for me, mate.  Fresh out of the Academy, so they thought they'd give me a taste of the easy stuff first and sent me through to check if the Ministry was empty yet.  I've been on this job for six months now.  Last thing I was expecting to find was some bum lying around in there, let alone a wizard who still had magic left."

"Last thing I expected was to wake up, let alone to an Animagus."

"Ministry's like a tomb these days.  When I'm a dog, things like that don't get to me so much."

"I know what you mean."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing."

"Listen," the boy sat back, arms crossed over his chest as he furrowed his brow in thought.  "I can give you the key to the flat here so you have somewhere to stay.  The place is fully furnished anyway, and it wouldn't hurt to have people actually see somebody coming in and out every once in a while.  Usually there are just Aurors here and there, so I'm surprised nobody's gotten suspicious already.  There're Muggle clothes in the closet and all.  I wouldn't trust anything in the kitchen, but there's always some money in the Cunningham book by the bed."

"Thanks."

"I'll talk to the people who need talking to and see if I can get you through, if you want."

"Thanks again."

"I should be on my way.  Like I said, I was just supposed to look over the Ministry."

"Right."

He frowned then, moving over to crouch in front of the man, and let a slight smile slide in.  "C'mon, mate.  I'm about as confused on all this as you are.  If you need any help, the gents who own the little shop a block around are good men.  One used to be a wizard, even.  Either one should take you right in if you mention knowing me - Archie Draconis."

The man finally gave a weak smile.  "Thank you."

"Not a problem."  Archie stood again, hands on his hips and expression triumphant.  "What's your name, by the by?  Don't think I ever caught it."

"Sirius.  Sirius Black."

Then there were wide eyes, but the boy shook himself out of the shock so fast that a low whistle was the only indication of surprise before he grinned and made his way hurriedly towards the bedroom.  "Nice meetin' ya, then.  Definitely stop in at the shop.  They'll make you feel more at home.  Promise."

"Er...right."  Sirius blinked, then he quirked a brow, head cocked to the side with the look of an extremely confused dog.  "Where exactly...is the portal?"

Archie winked.  "In the wardrobe."

---

A good hour or so after the boy's departure it finally struck Sirius that he still had questions.  Things like "How long will it take to find out if I can join the Wizarding World again?" and "How long will it take before my magic starts to leave me?" popped into his head too late for the actual asking.  With any luck, he supposed, Archie's friends at the bookshop could answer those for him.  He had said one used to be a wizard, after all.

"Everything hinges on luck today, doesn't it?"  He sighed at his reflection in the closet mirror, straightening out his newly nicked jacket.

There had been quite a selection of clothing to choose from.  It probably had to do with the fact that there were so many different Aurors in and out of the place - at least that was what he figured from what his host had said.  Still, he tried to stick to the section marked "Draconis" rather than taking too much from names he didn't even recognize in passing.  The leather duster he had found fit fairly well, although he had a feeling it was baggier on Archie than it was on him, and he had dug out a single, black t-shirt as well.  He would have to thank the kid later for having such simple taste in clothing.  Finding trousers took a bit more work, and he had to borrow a pair of blue jeans from "Anglestudder" in the end.

"How about we take a walk 'round the corner, eh?"  He tried to smile but failed with a sigh, forehead leaning against the mirror.  "How about I stop talking to my reflection to begin?"

---

"Thank y'ma'am!  Have a nice evenin' now!"

The man behind the counter of "Blue Moon Books and Magical Supplies" was far too chipper to be human, or so Sirius felt as he watched the nimble young figure dancing out to the shelves and back again, wherever the customer needed him.  He looked about the same age as Sirius himself but seemed to refuse to pass that of Archie, appearing rather wild, with hair that currently stood out as vividly unnatural and came no where near to matching anything around him, least of all the already mismatched colors of his clothes.  People seemed to love him, though, and it took the small crowd still remaining a frustratingly long time to finally vacate the place enough that Sirius felt so much as half comfortable stepping up to speak with the man, and even then he felt less than sure of himself.  There was a smile to greet him, however, as the embodiment of youthful enthusiasm sat sorting through a pile of books.

"I was told to speak with the owners," Sirius stated a bit lamely, feeling slightly old and worn and far from joyful enough to be keeping this company.

"Well," the man gave a soft, somewhat sympathetic chuckle, "yeh've got one of'em.  Name's Jack.  How d'yeh do?"

After a moment, the lost wizard accepted the hand Jack offered with his introduction.  "Sirius."

Orange hair flopped as Jack cocked his head to the side.  "Sirius?"  He frowned slightly.   "Sounds familiar."  With a shrug it was a smile again.  "Yeh're one o'the odd folk either way, though, yeah?"

"'Odd folk'?"

"Th'magical type, luv."  Jack grinned slightly and pointed down to where Sirius' wand stuck a bit out of his coat.  "Wizards."

Embarrassed that his mind was still moving so slow, Sirius nodded.

Jack nodded back, hopping up from his seat to make sure no one else was in the store as he went on.  "Think I'll take a wild guess'n'say that Archie pointed yeh here.  He's always sendin' in Aurors and suchlike.  Guess it has somethin' t'do with m'partner.  He was a wizard and all that.  Pretty close to the ministry folk, from what I've seen, too."

Sirius gave a bare nod, looking around now that he was less nervous about anyone hearing them.  Books and Muggle versions of magical items lined the walls and tables, herbs and stones and simple wands and anything else that could do basic, natural magic no matter what was in your blood.  Even a Muggle could mix fundamental potions if they knew what they were doing, after all.  Remus' family had shown him that over one of many holidays he had spent with them during his Hogwarts years.  Seeing little magic shops across the countryside that opened their doors to non-magical folks had always been something that made the werewolf smile.

That smile spread across the back of Sirius' mind now, settling there and making his heart ache as Jack ramble on ahead of him.  "...all sorts o'permits fer openin' th'magic portion o'this little place here, but he wasn't havin' it any other way.  He figured with all of th'real strong stuff gone anyway, what could it hurt to let us Muggles keep usin' th'lil bits o'magic and such floatin' about?  Somebody might as well get some use out of'em, right?  Besides, I doubt he could really live without at least a lil magic around'im, no matter what he says."

"I'm sorry, Jack.  You lost me somewhere in there."  Sirius shook his head, trying to settle back into the real world as the door chimes jangled behind him.  "Who are you talking about?"

Jack chuckled again, pouring some tea as his guest took a seat at a small table in the back.  "It's alright, mate.  I was just tellin' yeh about m'partner, Lupin - Remus Lupin.  Speakin' of...  Hallo, Moony."

Sirius spun so fast that he fell out of the chair.  Years ago he would have felt like a fool, but not now.  Now he just stared at his own shock reflected in the face of a Remus Lupin who looked quite a bit stronger and healthier than the one he had left behind.

"Er...take it y'know each other then?"

Remus didn't take his eyes off of the man now sprawled upon his shop floor - he didn't think he could - but he managed to compress all of his buzzing and whirring thoughts on the question into a single, concise answer, which finally struck Sirius' ears in its ultimate form of "Something like that."

---

"Trust Archie to send you straight to Blue Moon.  He always does things like that.  Just like his aunt, that one.  Then again, it only makes sense.  She raised him.  Aura Draconis.  Remember her?  Ravenclaw in our year - Prefect - backed up all of Lily's decisions and defended Slytherins.  She was second to Lily on the Charms NEWT.  Drove her mad.  Quite the rivals, those two.  Good friends for different houses, though."

Sirius nodded, sipping dazedly at the tea Jack had poured before heading back to watch the shop and "give the wizarding folk chance to catch up."  Once the initial shock had given way to the carefully calculated panic he knew as perfectly Remus, things had gone from just plain strange to absolutely mind numbing.  Gray-shot hair flew as Remus moved about the room, distracting himself with anything and everything he could possibly find.  He seemed determined to keep things far too routine to successfully pass for normal.  Thus far a new shipment of books had been resorted, the extra stock of rune sets had been organized by stone type, four boxes of herbs had been checked and rechecked to make sure they were all what they said they were, and the accounting logs had been pulled from the shelf twice since Remus' initial findings that Jack had already balanced their business books for the day.  Topics of conversation had also covered everything from Archie and his family to how well Blue Moon had done since grand opening a year ago, but they had effectively avoided issues such as Sirius' sudden reappearance and Remus' decision to remain in a world without magic.  A slightly jealous voice in the back of his mind also reminded Sirius that Remus had yet to mention exactly how Jack, who's affectionate use of the name Moony had not gone unnoticed, had come to fit into this odd little picture.

"...strange feeling, actually.  Over the years you get so used to it that you don't know what to do without it."

"What?"

Remus stopped and blinked at his old friend, train of thought successfully derailed.  "Hmm?"

"Get used to what?"  There was an uneasiness creeping into Sirius' stomach - a foolish feeling that he had gotten too lost in his own mind and missed something extremely important.  "You...uh...lost me...in there...somewhere.  Sorry.  I'm...I..."  He sighed, resting his face in his hands miserably.  "It's hard to keep myself focused.  I'm sorry."

"Well, it's understandable," the other man watched him almost nervously.  "I mean...here I am talking about living without magic and you haven't been...I mean..."

"I haven't been living.  You can say it.  Trust me.  I'd gotten rather used to being dead."

There was a stretched moment of silence before Remus sat down with a quiet sigh.  "I'd gotten rather used to it, too."

Sirius felt all of his pain climb into his heart and nestle there as he looked up just in time to see his companion's face pale with the realization of how that had just sounded.

"Not that I enjoyed the thought of you being dead!  Merlin, Sirius!  I didn't mean...!  Oh bloody hell!"  Remus promptly hid his face, old scars standing out thin and pale against his now red cheeks, and fell back into that I-refuse-to-admit-I-panic ramble.  "It's just...  I mean...  I spent so much effort on trying to make sure that everyone else...that Harry...believed you were really gone that I never really got around to truly convincing myself until it was all said and done and over with and I was giving up everything I had made my life out of just because leaving magic behind meant I could spend whatever was left of my life without having to fear the full moon.  Staying in a world without real magic meant that all of the magic that was in my blood would leave me.  That's what I was talking about before.  It wasn't just the magic I chose to use that went away, it was everything magical about me.  The lycanthropy wore itself out, just like my charms skills or transfiguration.  I decided it would be better to just stay here and never transform again than to keep fighting the discrimination and restrictions I had always had to live with because the only thing that made the full moon at all bearable was having...having Padfoot around.  Then I met Jack and he had never had anyone to sit with him and keep him calm on those long wolf nights, so I made up my mind and just stayed here.  That way we both at least had someone nearby, and neither of us would have to be alone while the infection dissipated and left us as...as Muggles."

There was the slightest feeling of triumph in the tiny hint that Jack had not necessarily been meant to replace him, but it was lost in the ache of sympathy over an issue of which Sirius knew he had never and could never truly understand the full implications.  He tried to give a reassuring smile, though he knew he would fail in the attempt.  It was the least he could do.  The only reason Remus even considered giving up his magic was because he didn't have you, he reminded himself.  Not that you would have had any right to be angry with him for moving on.

"I could be a Muggle," was the quiet response that finally came out of him, and Remus parted the fingers over his face to reveal one confused yet faintly hopeful eye.  Sirius nodded as he thought to himself - encouraged by the nearly imperceptible look - and reasoned it out to them both.  "Learning how to be a Muggle wouldn't be any more difficult than relearning how to be a wizard, would it?  I mean, a new place isn't any harder to get used to than an old haunt that's changed, right?  It would just take some getting used to.  And walking back into a world that knew me as a criminal for so much of my life...?"  He blinked.  "They...er...don't still thinking I'm a murderer, do they?"

Something like a smile curved Remus' thin lips as he answered with a trembling "no," and Sirius couldn't help grinning back - excited and optimistic and damn near confident, all of the things he had been before his life had turned upside down and all of the things only Moony could truly ever make him be while his life was fallen to shit.  Thinking about it gave him the horrible urge to cry, however, and that set the awkwardness of the entire situation to gnawing at him again.  So he was off on a tangent, trying to be the old Sirius - trying to pretend his years beyond the veil hadn't changed a thing.

It wasn't until Jack came in to say it was closing time that Sirius finally stopped his ramblings, which had become more and more animated as he delved into his tangle of thoughts.  Remus had commented on the absurdity of one idea or another, or tossed in a sensible remark where Sirius had let his mind go a bit too wild, but he had otherwise merely sat thoughtfully at the table and listened - just like old times.  There was a smile to say Jack was heading upstairs to bed, though, a wave to accompany his departure, and a closing door to effectively break the spell under which they had both known they were falling.

"It was good to see you again," Remus finally dropped into the silence - words stiff, formal, and lame.

"Yeah."  Sirius stared at the door.  "You, too."

It seemed to take forever for the werewolf - ex-werewolf - to stand and make his way to the door.  A tight, slim suggestion of a smile flashed across Sirius' vision, an expression that said quite plainly that the larger man was to leave now before Remus began to cry.  They would both be crying themselves to sleep tonight, they both knew, and Sirius told himself that he was Black enough to never outstay his welcome.  Obviously you're not as welcome as you used to be.  But what else could you expect?

Numbness crawling through his limbs, he made his way back out to the street.  There were no more words exchanged on their way through the shop, and Remus barely held the door open as Sirius started away.  Awkward.  It was too awkward.

"Padfoot."

He almost missed it, the voice was so soft and the name unexpected, but he managed to turn and blink dazedly back at those soft, troubled, golden-brown eyes he had fallen in love with over and over again so many times in the past.

"I'm working tomorrow."

And the door to the Blue Moon was locked tight behind him.

---

To be perfectly honest, "confused" was not the best word to describe how Remus was feeling, but it was the only word that he could think of.  It was funny really, how his brain refused to work and he felt ready to break down at any moment, or at least some strangled, little, masochistic voice in his head was giggling something about it being funny.  He hadn't felt this way since the first time he had looked at Sirius as a free man again, a free man who had not betrayed his friends and would not betray his friends and had gone after the one who had.  Sirius had only wished that he could have those long years back - long years stolen by the vicious stone and cold guards of Azkaban - and Remus had wanted them back, too.

This was different.

Returning from prison, though Azkaban was a very much a hell on earth, was not the same as returning from the dead.  With Sirius locked away, Remus had been given a reason to hate him and missing him had merely been a slightly painful afterthought that had only really registered once the time for anger was through and the time for loss was made a moot point by the man's freedom.  On the other hand, with Sirius dead, Remus had had nothing for himself to hold onto but sorrow.  Now that Sirius was alive again...

"Remembered why's name sounded f'miliar."

Remus jumped, head snapping up as he almost fell back down the stairs he had just managed to climb to the flat he and his business partner shared.  Jack, who he could have sworn was supposed to be asleep, was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and face composed into an uncharacteristically serious expression.  After two years of living together, Remus had come to interpret such a look as meaning it was time for a talk.  It wasn't that Jack was angry or jealous or anything silly like that.  He wasn't sure Jack could get angry, for one thing, and jealousy was just too petty, for another.  No.  The look currently camping upon the man's face translated into the concern and care of a friend, and suddenly Remus was rather glad no one was sleeping yet.

"You alright, Moony?"

With a small nod, Remus topped the stairs.  "I'm fine.  Just tired...and a bit..."  Confused?  "...lost."

"Talk time?"

"Do you mind?"

"I made tea and pulled out some biscuits."

"Kitchen, then?"

"After you."

"Such a gentleman."

"Just get yer skinny lil arse in there before th'tea gets cold."

---

It was somewhere near two o'clock in the morning when Remus mumbled a sleep drawled "thank you" to Jack for covering him with a blanket instead of trying to move him from his place in front of the fire.  They had wandered about as they talked, getting more comfortable, preparing for bed, but never quite making it into their rooms.  Finally they had landed in the living room in front of the dying flames for one last cup of tea and a look through the old photo albums Remus stored beneath the side table.  The pictures were less impressive now that they sat still, and only someone who had been there could have truly known the sort of trouble those mischievous glances off camera could have possibly suggested, but the love worn into each captured moment was obvious.

The last sparks upon the hearth lit the page under his hand as Remus let his eyes drift shut again.  He was too tired to notice his finger tips resting delicately upon the glossy finish of the photo, how even in this half sleep he managed to frame the people in it.  It made no difference and he fell into his dreams without a single thought, but if the image could have moved...  If only the image could have moved...  Standing behind the doting parents and their beautiful baby boy, opposite the dear friend who would later betray them all, there they were - Remus and Sirius - and only someone who had been there could have truly known the sort of love those two hands simply reaching for one another could have possibly suggested.

---

"Would yeh stop pacin' already?"

"But what if he doesn't come back?"

"He will."

"What if he doesn't want to come back?"

"He does."

"What if he doesn't want to come back to me?"

The resounding thwap which followed finally made Remus stand still, merely for the fact that it was difficult to stare at someone with a properly shocked expression when you spent half of your time with your back to them.  Once he had obtained his roommate's attention - and whimpered at the red mark his palm had left on his forehead - Jack levelled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest with a grunt that easily expressed his doubt.  Remus finally sighed and dropped heavily into a chair.

"Well...it is a perfectly reasonable possibility."

"Look.  Yeh said yer self it was jus' like't used t'be."

"What if he doesn't want...?"

"Moony!"  Jack slammed a fist down on the counter, eyes narrowed in frustration.  "I don't wanna hear one more 'what if' outta yeh!  Th'man talks about goin' Muggle for yeh and yer all but doubtin' he's really alive!"

"Actually..."

"No!  No!  I don't wanna hear it!  Yeh know, Moony.  I'm startin' t'doubt yer sanity."

Remus blinked, head cocked to the side.  "What?"

Taking his own seat, Jack leaned forward, elbows on his knees.  It was a stance that told Remus he had better be ready to rationalize, and quickly.  Of course, it was difficult to use his old tactics of wit against someone who thought as swiftly and logically as he usually did.  In his Hogwarts days, reasoning things out fast enough got him so far ahead of the other Marauders that they often gave up.  Jack, however, was just too stubborn.

"Listen up.  This here's how it goes.  Seems t'me, if I'd been dead fer...what...four years?  If I'd been dead fer four years, I'd just want somethin' normal again, yeah?  S'what's the most normal thing yeh kin think of goin' back to?"

Remus blinked again.  "Jack..."

"Well?"

"I...being human."

"And?"

"Jack.  I am human."

"Exactly!"

With a groan, Remus covered his face.  "What on earth are you getting at here?"

"What'd it feel like, Remus?"

"What did what feel like?"

"Wakin' up from th'change with a full moon still in th'sky."

"You were there.  You saw it, too.  You know."

"But tell me how it felt t'you."

"Like waking from the..."

Jack was beaming at him when he split his fingers to look, and Remus knew he'd lost the battle - possibly the war - but it didn't matter.  "From th'dead, Moony.  Was like bein' really, truly alive again after so many years o'hell.  Yeh told me yerself, remember?  Yeh said yeh finally felt real, like everything had been a bad dream that just wouldn't let you wake up, only you couldn't get back the years it had taken away."

"Jack..."

"Think on it."

The man was up and moving again as the door jangled open, of course, and all Remus could do was sigh at the now empty chair.  "You, my friend, are insane."

---

"It's almost like using floo powder."

"Almost, but not quite."

"Right.  Your head's coming out of a wardrobe rather than a fireplace."

"I was thinking more along the lines of my stomach felt as if it was trying to crawl out of my mouth rather than my body feeling like it was being ripped apart, but that works, too."

Sirius laughed slightly, sitting at the foot of the bed he had barely used the night before.  A ratty, old cabby hat capped the grinning blonde head currently sticking out of the furniture like a ghost in some Muggle children's cartoon, and he couldn't help but flash back to his last year in the Wizarding World - the floo calls he had made to Harry though he risked discovery.  Needless to say that put a quick end to his amusement.

"Any news, then?"

Archie sighed and his shoulders flashed in and out of the panel with a shrug.  "They set up all sorts of provisions in case of something like this happening.  Dumbledore's doing, I believe.  Man always thought of everything."

"Thought?"  There was a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of Sirius' stomach, but he shook his head.  He should have expected it.  It was a wonder Remus had survived.  Remus, who...  "Never mind.  Anything else?"

"Well, I didn't really tell much of anyone who you were, but..."

"But?"

There was a look in the boy's eye that, paired with his rather conspicuous expression, made it plain that he was up to something.  "Er...I have a sort of unofficial meeting with some...people.  I want to check some opinions while all the formal hubbub's going on."

"Oh?"

"Yeah.  Eh...actually...I gotta get going.  They'll be here any minute.  Same time tomorrow?"

With a sigh, Sirius nodded.  Why not?  He didn't see himself making any other plans any time soon.

"Right.  Tomorrow then."

Another nod and Archie was gone.  Almost longingly, Sirius brushed his fingers across the back of the wardrobe, but of course nothing happened.  The rest of the morning was quiet and slow.  He wandered about the flat, trying to get to know it a bit better before his stomach finally growled at him when he glanced into the empty refrigerator.

"Groceries.  Today I need to get groceries."  Staring around at the small kitchen, he sighed again.  "But first, I need someone who understands Muggle money better than I do."

He didn't really think about it, just pulling on his coat and making his way out into the drizzle.  What was the need for thinking when he already knew where he was going?  It was the only place he could go - the only place he knew.  The jangle of the door was already familiar, and Jack's grin, though it appeared rather conspiratorial, was already somewhat comforting.  Then, of course, there was the voice coming from somewhere in the back corner, talking to a customer.

"As fresh as ever, Ms. Teller.  I picked it up myself yesterday morning.  I stock nothing less than the best when it comes to these things.  You know that."

"Herbs," Jack clarified, motioning for Sirius to join him at the counter.  "Ms. Teller's a regular over't the gypsy lady 'round about.  Don't know a wand from a whippin' stick, but Remus don't argue 'less'e thinks th'outcome'll hurt somebody."

"He was always like that.  If Moony said no and meant no, we'd probably end up near dead."

"Heh.  Sounds about right, that."  There was a wink as Jack straightened up and smiled over Sirius' shoulder.  "Lo, Ms. Teller!  That all for yeh then?"

Sliding to the side as the woman stepped up, Sirius watched the check out for an absent moment before turning to face the man now walking around the shelves.  "Hallo, Moony."

He tried to fall into that old self feeling - confident and even cocky if that's what it took for normalcy.  Remus just stopped and blinked at him in surprise.  If he hadn't known any better, he could've sworn there was even a touch of almost embarrassed pink across the man's cheeks, but it was gone too quickly to tell for sure.

"Er...hallo...Sirius."

If a man's ears could droop like a dog's, Sirius' would have at that moment.  As it was, he felt that sinking in his stomach again.  So much for the semblance of normalcy.  Apparently all they could do was stare at each other dumbly and struggle for words even on the most mundane of topics.

"Um...say Remus?"

"Yes?"

It'd be easier to just ask Jack instead, Sirius thought miserably.  "Eh...well...seeing as...I mean..."  He clenched his eyes shut with a sigh, opening them as he tried again.  "Archie's set me up in...eh...his flat, but there's nothing to eat and...well...I was wondering if...maybe...you could help me with the shopping."

If Ms. Teller had only decided to leave rather than stand there talking to Jack - not to mention indiscreetly listening in on their conversation - it all would have been so much easier.  As it was, the signature little smirk of a gossip set on the woman's face made Sirius want to stuff her herbs into her ears and shove her out the door.  Jack, for his part, was trying everything possible to at least get her out of hearing.

Remus, however, ignored her completely, as he nodded and looked to his business partner with a far cooler expression than he had worn mere moments before.  "Do you mind keeping the shop up on your own again today?"

"Not at all, mate."  Jack grinned, shoulders falling in the smallest show of relief he could possibly manage.  "Yesterday was double th'work t'day should be an' I was fine."

"Much appreciated.  Come on, Sirius.  Let's go."

And suddenly Sirius found himself being dragged away.

---

Although they barely spoke to one another for a good portion of the morning, their day had become something like childhood weekends in Hogsmeade by the early afternoon.  They bought Sirius his groceries, replaced lunch with pastries from a nearby bakery, found some clothing that fit a bit more properly than Archie's spares, and even wound up in a toy shop where the man behind the counter was more than happy to show off a few of his better advances in the art of troublemaking to people who could truly appreciate them.  By about four o'clock in the afternoon, they managed to carry Sirius' bags up to the flat, still laughing about the poor woman attempting - and failing - to keep her young son under control on the corner.

"I'll give you one guess who that child reminded me of."

"I only need one.  He reminded me of me, too."

"Although, if you had ever acted like that in public with your mother..."

"Oh she would've given me that cool, composed look of hers and promised to take care of me later in a voice that could make a vampire cringe."

"Nnn...I remember..."

"You whimpered the first time she spoke to you."

Remus turned from stocking the refrigerator, eyebrow raised in amusement.  "I dare say you did as well."

"Did what?"  Suddenly quite lost, Sirius cocked his head to the side.

"Whimpered when she spoke to me."

"It was a sympathy whimper."

Rolling his eyes with a snort, Remus threw a hunk of cheese at the man currently lounging on the sofa.

"What?"  Sirius caught the white wedge against his chest, drawing an expression of wide-eyed innocence across his face.  "What did I say?"

"'Sympathy whimper'?" the ex-werewolf repeated, mockingly.  "Why thank you oh so much for caring, Padfoot.  I don't know what I would have ever done without a friend so wonderful as yourself."

"Aw!  C'mon, Moony.  I was worried how she might treat you."

"Sympathy and worry are two very different things."

"Well, I was worried.  Worried was me."

"You weren't worried, Sirius."

"Oh?"

"No."

"Then what?"

Honey rich eyes caught him, impassive and unmoving, and the answer came in such a matter-of-fact tone that Sirius couldn't have argued even if there had been room to.  "You were scared."

They stared at each other, the moment drawing out and wearing thin, until finally Sirius sighed and let his face fall into his hands.  Remus looked down as well before returning to the refrigerator and what little was left in the bags on the counter.  It was amazing, he mused through a sudden wave of bitterness, how a simple curtain could fall between them and slice such a neat line through their lives.

"He nearly had me convinced," Remus laughed wryly, wadding the grocery bag tight in his fist.  "Jack nearly had me convinced."

Sirius looked up in confusion.  "What?"

"Jack.  He nearly had me.  I almost believed him."

"About...what?"

"About you."  Fighting back the tears of frustration burning behind his eyes, Remus spun to face his old friend, the man he had wanted nothing more than to hold for the past four years, and just laughed.  "He had this idea - this insane notion - that you honestly wanted to stay in the Muggle world with me, for me."

"R-Remus..."

"Madness, really.  Madness.  You're a wizard - a pure blood.  I mean, the only reason I stayed was because I had nothing left to live for in a world of magic.  I didn't have a single thing worth the suffering I went through every full moon.  But you...  You have so much waiting for you there.  Your name is cleared.  You can finally live as a free man.  You can finally get to know Harry.  Years worth of hiding and pain and you can finally make up for all of it.  If I had thought I would ever see you again, maybe I wouldn't have let go of my magic, but as it is...well...I'm no reason to stay here when everything is waiting for you there.  When you've never lived without magic, there's no reason to give it up for me."

"Remus...wait..."

But he was gone before Sirius could get the words out, whatever the words were.  If it had been anyone else, perhaps he would have chased after them, but Remus wouldn't be caught if he didn't want to be.  Sirius knew that all too well.  So he sat staring at the door to the flat until he couldn't focus enough to actually stare and gave in to the urge to watch it with his eyes closed instead.

Somewhere near eight thirty, someone shook him awake, sounding a bit worried.  "Hey.  Are you alright?  What are you doing snoring out here?"

Sirius blinked until the fuzzy form in front of him began to define itself with a ratty cabby hat and curls of blonde hair pulled into a haphazard ponytail, then he smiled dazedly at the concerned specks of blue - squinting to make them out as eyes - and chuckled weakly.  "Guess I dozed off at the table.  Morning, though.  Good morning.  How was your day, Archie?  Anything new?"

The unease lining his young friend's face seemed to increase as the rambled questions fell from his lips, and even in his current state of mental exhaustion and emotional hell, Sirius knew something was wrong.  He could feel himself sobering up faster than he would have liked, stomach clenching and heart sinking.  "Archie?"

"W-well...y'see...that's what I crossed to talk to you about, sir."

"Sir?  Archie...it's Sirius...just...  What's going on?"

The sinking became a swirling black hole in Sirius' chest as he watched the boy's teeth sink into his lip nervously.

"O-officially, sir," Archie stammered, voice cracking anxiously, "I'm not supposed to...er...b-be here.  I...well...what I mean to say is..."  He took a deep breath and pulled himself together, continuing in a way that sounded far too formal.  "That is to say that this door into the Muggle world is being closed to any and all further traffic.  The Ministry believes it would be for the best to maintain as few portals as possible, therefore this flat will no longer be under Ministry control as of the end of the week."  As the boy looked down, Sirius could see him cracking, reflecting the war of emotions screaming inside of Sirius himself.  "They revoked my key.  Technically it's illegal for me to be here.  I could get myself sacked and arrested all in one for this, but I had to tell you.  It didn't feel right just letting you find out when you got the eviction notice.  The verdict on your case wasn't exactly the greatest success, either, otherwise I'd take you back with me.  They decided that if a wizard was still in the Muggle world then he was there for a reason and shouldn't be let through.  I...I'm sorry."

There was a small tear at the edge of Sirius' vision - a seam come loose - and slowly but sure it was lengthening and spreading into a spider web pattern of shredded fabric and frayed edges.  "You said something about a meeting yesterday."

"Er..."

"What was that about?"

"It doesn't really matter now, does it?  You're not allowed to cross anyway."

"What was it about?"

"It doesn't..."

"Archie."

With a sigh, the young Auror looked up again.  "I talked to some friends of mine about sneaking you through the portal whatever the court's decision."

"And?"

"And...well...the verdict was that it wasn't worth it."

Sirius just stared at him.

"Listen.  If I snuck you through and got caught, I'd get the same as I'll get if they find out I snuck through to talk to you.  Hell, I'd probably get worse.  It's not worth it on my side, especially given the fact that there isn't any more than a fifty percent certainty that you could even cross at all."

Sirius shook his head.

"You fell through the veil four years ago and when it got pulled through, you got dropped out.  It was a fluke - pure luck for you.  Others have gone through but no one else came back.  Do you have any idea what sort of risk that puts on you coming through to the Wizarding World?  There's a fifty-fifty chance that you would disappear the very moment you set foot on the other side of the portal.  Then you would be right back where you started - nonexistent.  It's not worth it, mate.  You'd be putting a lot more on the line than I am here and it's just not worth it."

---

"Moony?  C'mon, Moony.  Least come out long enough t'help me open shop, alright?  Maybe it'll cool y'off some, hey?"

Remus wiped at his eyes, at the tears that had never fallen as badly as he wanted them to all night, and nodded.  He moved into the simple routine he had made for himself over the past two years.  There were books to balance, stocks to check, and orders to prepare.  Shelves needed filling and tills needed sorting.  It was dull and tedious work that Jack hated and Remus loved, because Remus knew that anything so mind numbingly practical could blur the pain of almost any situation.

That is until the pain came knocking at the door once again - pain with tangled black hair and bloodshot blue eyes and a desperation that Remus recognized all too well.

"S-Sirius?"

"Remus..."

"Sirius...what...?"

Then there were strong arms wrapped tight around him, a face pressed into his shoulder, and suddenly he didn't need to cry anymore.

"I'm not leaving you, Remus," Sirius muttered into his throat.  "I'm not leaving you again.  Not again.  Even if I wanted to, I'd have nowhere to go but back to the dead.  I messed everything up on my first two goes at this.  It's not every day you get a third shot, and I'm not letting this one fall apart like before."

"Sirius..."

"I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I let myself lose faith in you the first time.  I'm sorry I didn't come to you before going after Peter.  I'm sorry I lost us both twelve years.  I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough to get those years back after I escaped.  I'm sorry I let Bellatrix catch me off guard.  I'm sorry you had to spend four years suffering alone.  I'm sorry you had to give up magic because I couldn't be there.  I..."

"Padfoot."

Remus pushed the other man off of him and Sirius finally broke off from his incoherent blathering with the whimper of a rejected puppy and the expression that went along with it.

"P-Padfoot."  What little bit of certainty Remus had found simply crumbled once more as he stared at the one and only person he had even truly clung to beyond death.  "Padfoot.  You...you don't have to be...sorry, I mean.  Things happen.  Everything has...a reason.  You never meant to...any of it...all of it...human...I mean...wait..."

Sirius just blinked and Remus shook his head, laughing as he took his turn to initiate the embrace.

"You're not leaving," he mumbled.

"I...I couldn't...even if I wanted to."

"Good."

The corners of Sirius' mouth finally twitched upward, though he was still shaking, and he nuzzled nervously at the side of Remus' neck.  "C-can I say something...that'll make me feel better?"

"What?"

"I love you."

Remus choked, and apparently Jack did, too, because by the time "I love you, too" came out and the two pulled themselves apart for decency sake the wild-haired shop keep was wiping tea off of the till.  He winked at them, though, and it was there that Remus decided his life had truly begun again.  It was undoubtedly a beautiful day, no matter how many of his most troublesome customers walked through the doors.  All that mattered was their new employee - a tall, dark-haired man with the deepest blue eyes a man could ever fall in love with.

"Second full moon o'th'month," Jack mused as he locked up for the night.

Remus, counting out the day's profit with Sirius' arms wrapped about his waist, looked up quizzically.

"What was it y'said about that when we named this place?" his partner continued, still staring up at the sky.  "Something about miracles."

"Miracles?"

"Yeah.  Somethin' 'bout 'True miracles only happen once in a blue moon.'"

There was a laugh from Sirius.  "Sounds like Moony alright."

"I did say that, didn't I?"

"Y'did."

With a grin and a wink, Jack left them alone, disappearing up to the flat, and Remus smiled as he finished his work and put the money away.   Then he closed the book to place it back on the shelf, only to find Sirius hand over his own, and a quiet whisper in his ear.

"Sounds like Moony proved himself right."

end